Behrendt quick to tell you ‘He’s Just Not That Into You’

So you think you want to be in love?

That’s the title of the lecture Greg Behrendt and his… So you think you want to be in love?

That’s the title of the lecture Greg Behrendt and his wife Amiira Ruotola will give on Nov. 6 at the Byham Theater, which will take the audience through the entire process of being in and out of a relationship.

“It’s all done very tongue-in-cheek, and it’s very funny, and it’s done like the books. We have never pretended to be therapists or experts or anything like that, we’re just two people sharing our experiences on a group level,” Behrendt said.

For those unaware, Behrendt was co-author, along with “Sex and the City” story editor Liz Tuccillo, of “He’s Just Not That Into You,” the advice book that inspired women everywhere to re-evaluate whether their dates’ unclear signs were really just his manifestations of his lukewarm feelings. The book reached the No. 1 spot on multiple best-seller lists and was adapted into an A-list headlined film last year.

Behrendt and his wife Ruotola have written two other best-sellers together, “It’s Called a Break Up Because It’s Broken” and “It’s Just a Bleeping Date.” Their decision to make their next project a lecture was based off a suggestion and allows Behrendt to combine his 20 years of stand-up experience with the couple’s experience and knowledge of relationships.

The couple looks back at their own dating disasters and tries to pass their experience on to people who feel like they aren’t succeeding in their romantic relationships. Behrendt says the point isn’t to make people feel stupid, it’s to remind them, sometimes less-than-gently, that they should be thinking of themselves and what makes them happy.

“It’s really hard to choose you and choose decisions for you and make the tough decisions whether it’s not eating carbs or dating better people,” he said.

Behrendt admits that he doesn’t consider his talents a gift, but a skill — one he’s honed after spending a life around women.

“It’s a pretty simple formula. I generally pretend that you’re my sister and that gives me two inroads: one, that I love you, and two, that I don’t have to bullshit you,” he said.

Post-lecture, the couple answers audience questions. Behrendt says they span from repetitive questions by people who expect their answers to be different from everyone else to bizarre sexual curiosities. That interaction is the couple’s favorite part of the show, when people can ask whatever is on their mind.

“Everything, I mean literally. My boyfriend’s in prison … [The answer would be,] ‘Raise the bar,’” he said.

The two aren’t particularly keen on taking credit for changing people’s circumstances. Behrendt makes it clear that while he and Ruotola are happy to share their knowledge to enlighten frustrated daters, people are the ones changing their own love lives.

“We didn’t do sh*t, you know. I was at my house when you did this. You bought the book, you solved the problem, you fixed this,” he said.

A lot of what the couple talks about is based off personal dating mishaps and mistakes, so it’s natural to wonder if their initial meeting went off without a hitch.

“We had a couple of meetings, actually. We met at a party at my house, which she doesn’t remember. Then I met her at a comedy music festival in Seattle, and she sort of didn’t really remember that, either. Then, the third time, I met her while she was getting her hair done. The third time I forced her to remember me,” he said.

Behrendt said the couple took their time in developing a serious relationship. They had both had their fair share of troubles and wanted to work on their relationship, particularly because, as far as Behrendt was concerned, he knew fairly quickly that she was “the one.”

“The problem with love is that that because if we don’t know that it can be better, we stay in things because we figure this is as good as it gets, this is what we deserve. But in other areas, we wouldn’t be so easy to settle,” he said.

So what’s the golden rule of dating according to Behrendt?

“Don’t compromise yourself. The second you start spending less time with your friends, spending less time with your jobs, spending less time with all the things you’re here to do. As soon as you start shape-shifting yourself, you’re done,” he said.