Trietley: What to look for in the 2010 Winter Olympics

I have to give the Olympics credit. It somehow makes me watch sports like archery, badminton and speed skating with the fervor of a European soccer fan.

But the excitement of the Olympics is beaten out by one thing — the lead up to the Olympics. There’s never a shortage of controversy and entertainment. Here are some of the more interesting things leading up to next year’s Winter Olympics.

The Mascot

Through the magic of revisionist history, 30 years ago every sports team had a beautiful jersey and the Olympics had simple, stately mascots. The 1968 summer games in Mexico City had a dove. Los Angeles used a bald eagle in 1984.

But Vancouver 2010 continues a recent trend of coming up with the dumbest looking things for mascots. Of all the animals I think of when I hear Canada, a mythical sea bear, a sasquatch and a marmot are near the bottom of the list.

Representing Vancouver 2010, meet Quatchi, Miga and Mukmuk -— mascots so adorable they belong on your next e-greeting card. The designer of the mascots even gave the sasquatch cute little earmuffs. I’m not sure if they belong in the Olympics or a Hello Kitty backpack.

Ticket Prices

If you’ve ever thought about going to the Olympics and watching the thrills of alpine skiing time trials in person, find other plans.

In a masochistic “I wish I had that much money” ritual, I looked up the cost of the gold medal hockey game for Vancouver 2010. A lower level seat will set you back $775, assuming you are lucky enough to purchase one before they sell out. For comparison, retail prices for the Super Bowl range from $500 to $1,000.

Keep in mind that finding a room in an overbooked hotel will also cost you big time. Furthermore, you aren’t going to travel there for just one game, so charge a few other events to your MasterCard.

There’s luge for $85 and cross country skiing for $70. My personal favorite event, the Nordic combined, costs $120. My limit was $110. No wonder I see empty seats every Olympiad.

Protestors

I’ve always been mesmerized by the Olympic Torch. I guess it works like a Zippo lighter, but you’d think with all the rain and the running that it would go out at some point. And I’m pretty sure the Olympics would be canceled if it does.

Other people must share my worries, too, since I always see a bunch of people screaming and shouting everywhere the flame goes. “Don’t burn out!” they must be yelling. “I want to watch the Nordic combined!”

Some people even hang banners on bridges. I don’t bother reading them. I’m far too enamored with the spunky windbreakers every torchbearer receives, but it’s nice to see everybody so happy for once.

Sidney Crosby and the Torch Relay

Sidney Crosby will carry the Olympic Torch through part of Nova Scotia on Nov. 18. The relay began on Friday and will drag on for several months, culminating at the Opening Ceremonies on Feb. 12.

An honor for Crosby, no doubt, but the International Olympic Committee is watering down the relay. By the time the flame reaches Vancouver, 12,000 people will have carried it. With a torchbearing list that long, it’s only a matter of time before I get to carry it. I really want one of those windbreakers, and I have perfected the heavy, plodding jog.

The Opening Ceremony

Before the Olympic cauldron is lit, we have the Opening Ceremony to look forward to.

China, you did a pretty good job. The drums were cool, and you had dudes running on the sides of walls. But if I know Canada, it’ll have something three, no, eight times as awesome. After all, Canadians invented hockey. What did you invent, China? Paper? That’s not even an Olympic sport.

I have three suggestions for Canada’s ceremony: space bears, tens of thousands of lumberjacks and the keyboard cat.

The Final Torchbearer

At the end of the ceremony, a yet-to-be-named person will light the cauldron. Now I’m not saying it’s not me, but there are more worthy people.

If it were my decision, it would be Betty Fox. Her son, Terry Fox, began the Marathon of Hope in 1980 to raise money for cancer research three years after losing his right leg to bone cancer. Traveling across Canada, he ran an average of 23 miles per day for 143 consecutive days until he learned his cancer had metastasized to his lungs. He died nine months later, journey unfinished.

Considering the 2010 Olympics are on the western cost of Canada, where Fox’s run was to end, and this is the torch relay we’re talking about, it seems like a no-brainer.