Trietley: Brett Favre and the Favres really Favre it up, says SportsNation

I’ve read about all kinds of world records.

There’s that guy who clips clothes hangers on his face, the woman who pops her eyes out of her sockets and the man who wears a beard of bees.

But now ESPN will sully these legitimate, skill-based feats with its new Guinness World Record quest taking place today.

According to USA Today, the network’s SportsNation program will attempt to set the record for most mentions of Brett Favre in one hour of television.

To promote the Monday Night Football matchup between the Packers and Favre’s Vikings, co-hosts Colin Cowherd and Michelle Beadle will try to make 275 Favre references in an hour. If you discount 20 minutes of commercials, that is almost seven mentions a minute.

Guinness World Records has yet to calculate the current record, but acknowledging Favre every nine seconds should put SportsNation in the running with Favre’s wife and the game broadcast later that evening.

Cowherd and Beadle can break the record in two ways — the overt way and the nuanced way.

In the overt way, also called “the loud way,” the show opens with one minute of shouting “Favre” in between a flashing graphic that reads “The Brettdown.”

Discussion topics can include “Brett Favre Anagrams” and “Words That Rhyme with Favre.” Not too many words rhyme with Favre — starve, carve — but anagrams are always fun. “Frat brevet.” “Fret at verb.”

To conclude the hour, John Madden, given the ceremonial honor of stating the last “Favre,” will read a haiku, titled “BFF: Brett Favre Forever.”

“Brett Favre, he’s the guy,” Madden will slam poetically over a rhythmic drum beat. “Boom, he throws the ball so far. Brett Favre. He’s the guy.”

However, in the nuanced way, Cowherd and Beadle work in allusions to Favre while still relating to current events and not just fabricated, self-indulgent record attempts.

I thought of a few:

A new book alleges that an employee at the Alcor Life Extension Foundation hit the cryogenically frozen head of Baseball Hall of Famer Ted Williams with a wrench to remove a can of tuna that stuck to it. Speaking of bashing heads in with a wrench, Brett Favre Brett Favre Brett Favre.

The Detroit Tigers and Minnesota Twins battled hard against each other in the push for the postseason, but not as hard as Brett Favre battles every week.

Mats Sundin, one of the last active former Nordiques, retired last week. Sundin needs one more retirement to equal Brett Favre’s total.

Rio de Janeiro secured the 2016 Summer Olympics Friday, beating out Chicago. Brett Favre also historically beats Chicago.

See, news is much more fun when it has Favre in it.

If enough people watch the game tonight, ESPN hopefully will continue the advertising campaign. When the Jets face the Dolphins next Monday, SportsNation will attempt to make 276 references to Miami quarterback Chad Henne. Cowherd and Beadle will cook a dish called Garlic Chicken Henne and have a segment called “Hanging with Chad.”

We should be like SportsNation and embrace Favre. With Mel Gibson and Tom Cruise fading from the spotlight, we have nobody better.

I’ve done my part. This column mentions Favre 25 times. Anybody have the number for Guinness?