Littman: Favre needs his own network

Anyone who watches nationally televised NFL games knows each network tries to ram storylines… Anyone who watches nationally televised NFL games knows each network tries to ram storylines down your throat to make the game seem like the cat’s meow.

Oftentimes, fans get sick of those storylines before the game even starts. For fans’ sanity, we need a new network that knows how to promote riveting football without force-feeding us bogus stories.  

And there is no single football player more compelling than Brett Favre, which is why football fans need Gunslinger TV. It plays only Vikings games on Sundays, and the camera is always on Favre. While Minnesota plays defense, you watch as he tries to talk to teammates as they roll their eyes and walk away.

If that’s not enough to draw you in, check out the week-by-week action Gunslinger TV brings you.

In Week 1, the Vikings play the Browns, who are coached by Eric Mangini, Favre’s coach last year with the Jets. Mangini also had a son last year and gave him the middle name “Brett” after everyone’s favorite quarterback. Can Mangini beat his son’s partial namesake?

Next, Favre travels to Detroit to play the Lions, who went 0-16 last year. The only thing more American than Favre is a Ford car, so watching Favre play in Detroit’s Ford Field is like eating a hot dog sprinkled in democracy while listening to jazz.

Rookie wide receiver Michael Crabtree and the 49ers are Week 3’s opponent. Crabtree still isn’t signed and thus hasn’t been to training camp. As an expert on missing training camp, watch the pregame show where Favre talks with Crabtree about how to miss training camp and still get labeled as a team leader.

Week 4 sees the Packers come to Minnesota, but no storylines seem to pop out in this one. These might be two of the better teams in the NFC, so watch for that.

Favre then heads to meet the St. Louis Rams, who picked off six passes in a 45-17 rout of Favre’s Packers in the second round of the 2001 playoffs. Although he’s played the Rams multiple times since then, not a day goes by that Favre doesn’t think about that game. Can he get revenge in Week 5?

The Vikings take on the Ravens in Week 6 and follow that up with a trip to Pittsburgh the next week. Going up against two of the hardest-hitting teams in the league, there’s a good chance Favre might literally break apart like a dropped Mr. Potato Head. Only one way to find out: watch.

Week 8 sees Favre return to Green Bay, where he played for 16 seasons, so that should be crazy. Even crazier: Who do the workers of Green Bay’s Brett Favre’s Steakhouse want to win?

The Vikings have a bye in Week 9. Gunslinger TV shows a black screen for seven days.

Former Vikings and current Lions quarterback Daunte Culpepper makes his return to Minnesota the next week.

Culpepper wears a suit to every game to look professional, but watch as he’s outplayed by the current Vikings quarterback, who only needs a tattered tee and pair of Wrangler jeans to go to work. Before the game, we’ll take a People-style vote of who wore their Vikings uniform better.

Week 11 brings the Seahawks to Minnesota. Seattle has three players that went to college in the state of Mississippi, which is where Favre lives during the offseason. If that doesn’t make you want to watch a football game, nothing will.

The Vikings are home a third week in a row when the Bears come to town.

Chicago traded for quarterback Jay Cutler before the season. With Cutler’s whiny demeanor, strong arm and fondness for throwing into double- and triple-coverage, it’s like Favre vs. Favre Jr.

Before Week 13’s game in Arizona, Favre and Kurt Warner will go out before the game for dinner. Kickoff is scheduled for 3:15 p.m. Will they make it out of the early bird special before the coin toss?

The Bengals and Panthers are Favre’s next two opponents. Favre is a known hunting enthusiast, so why not see if he can gun sling his way past these two big game opponents?

The Vikings end their games against divisional opponents in Week 16 against the Bears. See if Cutler has learned anything new between the last two team’s meetings, like how to alienate teammates or jump and throw at the same time.

The last game of the regular season is at home against the Giants. Watch Favre and Eli Manning, two of the highest paid quarterbacks in the league, face off against each other. Will they coat the ball in $100 bills or play the entire game wearing two monocles while riding around on Segways?  

Unfortunately, Gunslinger TV doesn’t have rights to the playoffs, which means you’ll have to put up with the major networks.

Still, the announcers will spend the whole game talking about Favre, so it’s not that big of a difference anyway.