Trietley: Usain Bolt: the next best NFL reciever, golfer and boxer

Between Usain Bolt’s ability to outrun traffic and the ongoing controversy with Caster… Between Usain Bolt’s ability to outrun traffic and the ongoing controversy with Caster Semenya, track and field is starting to steal time away from my knitting passion.

Bolt, the always smiling 23-year-old, is a freak of the sprinting world.

At 6 feet 4 inches tall, he looms over other runners. Track aficionados re-evaluated the ideal sprinter body type because of the abnormally tall, abnormally fast Jamaican.

His world record times at the 2009 World Championships in Berlin — 9.58 seconds and 19.19 seconds in the 100- and 200-meter dashes, respectively — are so low that scientists are re-examining studies about the limits of human speed.

According to Wired Science, Bolt’s times throw off the curve of natural human progression.

Needless to say, a discussion about a Jamaican sprinter breaking records in Germany seamlessly segues into American football.

After the Beijing Olympics, several media outlets began thinking of the sprinter as Bolt, National Football League wide receiver.

His height and speed are so ideal for the position that his name keeps popping up, even though nobody knows if he can catch the ball.

“Bolt, run really fast downfield,” the quarterback would say.

“Yah, mahn.”

Could any cornerback keep up?

Sprinters have attempted the leap from the track to the gridiron. Former 100-meter world-record holder Justin Gatlin tried out with several teams between 2006 and 2008.

More successfully, the Dallas Cowboys drafted Olympic sprinter Bob Hayes in 1964. Opponents had to invent bump-and-run coverage and zone defense to try and stop “Bullet Bob.”

The chances of Bolt coming to the United States, though, are slim.

He turned down college track scholarships here six years ago, and he has shown no intention of playing football.

He might, though, make the switch to long jumping.

Bolt said he wants to try the event at the 2012 Olympics in London. Current world-record holder Mike Powell said he’d help train him, believing Bolt could jump nine meters under his guidance.

Nine meters is almost 30 feet. Bolt could jump Forbes Avenue.

After long jumping his way to gold in three years, Bolt allegedly will try his hand at javelin and pingpong, drop a rap album and star in the sequel to Cool Runnings.

But Bolt isn’t the only track star in the news.

A media tsunami has also made landfall at the doorstep of Caster Semenya, who won the women’s 800-meter at the world championships. But reports later abounded that she wasn’t a she.

Test results, according to Britain’s The Guardian, determined that the 18-year-old Semenya’s high testosterone levels stem from internal male organs.

In a word, she is a hermaphrodite. Her future in women’s track is in question.

Semenya entered counseling to cope with the gender test revelation.

The International Olympic Committee stopped across-the-board gender testing in 1999 to avoid situations like Semenya’s.

A woman in some ways, but with the testosterone levels and will to restore a classic car of a man, where does she fit in?

At the moment, it sadly might be nowhere.

But I have the answer: Integrate men’s and women’s track. Combining the two is the only way to end Semenya’s controversy.

At this point, why not? The sport is riddled with doping. Compared to Marion Jones, ambiguous genitalia are sunshine.

Plus, women have competed against men in the past.

Michelle Wie played golf with men when she was a 15-year-old prodigy. Manon Rheaume played goal in two preseason games for hockey’s Tampa Bay Lightning in the early ’90s.

I’d also mention the 15 women who have raced in NASCAR, but it’s not a sport.

In fact, combine more than track. Integrate non-contact activities like bowling, curling and racquetball, to name a few.

For the 2012 Olympics, combine men’s and women’s archery, gymnastics and soccer.

Don’t stop there. Integrate everything.

It will end gender disputes that destroy the lives of 18-year-old athletes and decrease the number of events of which we have to keep track.

Integrated tennis! Can an aging Roger Federer keep his focus against the 103-decibel grunt of Maria Sharapova?

Integrated fencing! Can the triple-gold American women defeat the great Italian foil?

Integrated boxing! Can the Canadian men shirk the long-standing “no hitting girls” rule before it’s too late?

I don’t know, but I do know one thing: Bolt will win.