Celebrating man

There are few things in life as integral to manhood as sitting around drinking obscene amounts… There are few things in life as integral to manhood as sitting around drinking obscene amounts of beer and talking about women. And in Hofbrauhaus, the South Side’s newly opened, German-themed brewery, Pittsburgh gents have a new and exciting place to do so. The men of The Pitt News sat down at one of Hofbrauhaus’ huge banquet tables over a few liters to enjoy what Benjamin Franklin said was ‘proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy’ — cold, crisp and delicious beer. Here’s what they found:

Justin Jacobs, A’amp;E editor: I really love beer. In descending order, the things I love generally follow the order of family, friends, music, beer and my pet gecko. So to have a place like Hofbrauhaus open just across the bridge from our fine Oakland is like God dropping a giant, hop-infused present in my lap. That said, Hofbrauhaus doesn’t disappoint. The soft pretzels and bier cheese are a perfect complement to the liter steins of beer, which are nearly heavy enough to call for two hands. Yes, that is a lot of beer. And yes, that makes for some very happy patrons who you’ll probably see standing on the tables, singing and downing enough brew to kill a moose.

Erik Hinton, Managing editor:

I don’t enjoy traditional ‘dude’ activities. As appealing as steak, Ernest Hemingway and sharing a girl among friends are, I generally prefer tofu, Virginia Woolf and feverish monogamy. Hofbrauhaus is not just a not ‘dude’ establishment. It is the pinnacle of masculine fellowship, and I absolutely loved it. One would assume that Hofbrauhaus was birthed from a rowdy immaculate conception involving the entire cast of Das Boot, Vin Diesel and wienerschnitzel. It might have been. Although, plopped next to the Cheesecake Factory, authenticity is out of the question, Hofbrauhaus radiates sincerity. From ‘dudes’ to gender studies majors, I cannot imagine anyone leaving dissatisfied.

Richard Brown, Opinions editor:

I feel like the best thing about Hofbrauhaus as a restaurant is not the food or the beer. It’s the atmosphere. I’m not saying that the food and beer aren’t good, because they certainly are — my Bavarian-style schnitzel was delicious and my liter of beer was amazing — but the thing that I’m going to remember about eating there is the servers walking around in authentic Bavarian beer-maid costumes, the three-to-a-side wooden benches at each table, the two beer coppers behind the bar where they actually brewed the beer you’re drinking and the oompa-band playing ‘Let’s Go Skiing at the Hofbrauhaus’ while four lucky patrons simultaneously drink shots of Jagermeister off a wooden snow ski. Sure, you’ll go for the food and the beer. But you’ll remember your trip for everything else.

Mike Gladysz, Sports editor:

Aside from the famous combination of lamb and tuna fish, there’s really no better combination in the world than that of burgers and beer. At this place, things are no different. The variety of crafted beers, which you won’t find anywhere else in a 3,500-mile radius, gets an A+. The long list of burgers and soup earns the same grade. And when you parlay all of that with some old men playing weird instruments and singing birthday songs, you get a group of happy, happy eaters.

Noah Levinson, Multimedia editor:

When two German musicians in lederhosen with Bavarian trim are belting, ‘Let’s go-a skiing at the Hofbrauhaus!’ while customers down a row of shots attached to a ski, you know you’re in for a good time. Unfortunately, being younger than 21, I consumed my fair share of water while my fellow staffers truly experienced Hofbrauhaus. I ordered the jagerschnitzel, a breaded pork schnitzel in a creamy mushroom sauce, and was truly impressed. It’s hard to find good wienerschnitzel out there, and Hofbrauhaus definitely knows its wienerschnitzel. The potato salad side was sweet and filling, the random vegetables side full of random vegetables.

Zack Chakan, assistant Sports editor:

The Hofbrauhaus reminds me a lot of the Penn Brewery in just about every possible aspect, with one glaring exception. The beer far surpasses Penn brands in smoothness, flavor and presentation. Our group tested each brew available, with many more seasonal choices to try in the coming months, so you’ll want to return to whet your alcoholic taste buds. My personal favorite is the Dunkel, a dark brew that goes down better than my beer of choice, Newcastle. Along with authentic German music and an event involving a ‘ski shot’ — please invite three of your best friends for that one — you just might feel compelled to go buy a Volkswagen after enjoying a fine and relatively cheap meal.

Michael Heater, Photo editor:

As a photojournalist who likes to tell the story in pictures and not so much in words, what would I have to say about one of the greatest new places in Pittsburgh that these photos do not already show? Well I guess photos themselves don’t do justice to the terrifically catchy German live music being played while you eat. Photos are also unable to successfully capture the pungent aroma of sauerkraut or bratwurst. That’s why we have images accompanying the story. But even that won’t do justice’ to the uniqueness of this beer garden — that’s why you have to go there to experience it yourself.