No band-name jokes necessary, Hoobastank bombs

‘ ‘ ‘ The name says it all: Hoobastank.’ It’s the word formed when you ask, ‘Who’d want to buy… ‘ ‘ ‘ The name says it all: Hoobastank.’ It’s the word formed when you ask, ‘Who’d want to buy such a piece of stank?’ after you’ve listened to enough quality music to finally purge the band’s new album, For(n)ever, from your memory forever. ‘ ‘ ‘ Before the disc even hits your player, there are problems.’ Let’s talk about the album art.’ Hoobastank consists of three men, Doug Robb, Dan Estrin and Chris Hesse, all with some sort of facial hair that says, ‘I tried to grow a beard, but it’s just not happening.” On the cover, each has his chin up, staring out with squinty eyes.’ The stares bore into listeners’ heads, daring them to press play.’ It’s all very annoying and too much for me. ‘ ‘ ‘ The grunge album starts with ‘My Turn,’ which is a big whine.’ It is all just a farce.’ It’d be different if they were sitting around on the corner of Forbes and Bigelow singing this song.’ But they’re not; they’re in an extremely nice studio.’ Sing about things you actually know about, stankers. ‘ ‘ ‘ The beats for some songs are not all that bad, but only if you like synthetics and background guitar.’ Hoobastank has some similarities to Linkin Park, except for surprisingly great voices. The guitar and drums are background noises, not an integral part of the music.’ This is to be expected as more pop focuses less on music, instead favoring the actual performer. Hoobastank follows in that tradition, as the band puts out sub-par albums while throwing fun concerts. ‘ ‘ ‘ In ‘All About You,’ a bass line with a quick beat meets a high-toned guitar.’ The song holds promise until the vocals come in.’ The whole song is like something right out of a dumb dating movie.’ Overachieving girlfriend puts seemingly slacker boyfriend down.’ She always talks about herself, and he just wants to point out that it’s ‘not all about you.” Some ‘scream-singing’ helps get his point across.’ Just hit skip. ‘ ‘ ‘ When I first read the title, ‘Tears of Yesterday,’ I just thought, ‘Damn it.’ But when I heard a piano introduction with what seems to be a synthesized violin plucking in the background, I gave it a chance.’ The lyrics are nothing to get excited about, but Hoobastank found out that it could make music.’ The piano background helps root the vocals in something other than aimless guitar. ‘ ‘ ‘ This was a high point, though, that I knew would not last.’ When ‘Who the Hell Am I?’ came on, it was over.’ Let me give you a little taste, just so you can commiserate: ‘And it feels like I am naked, / Stripped for you to see. / My scars and imperfections, / But you don’t seem to notice.’ Dude, we’ve got our problems, too, we don’t really want to hear about yours.’ ‘ ‘ ‘ Hoobastank is a synth-band.’ These instrumentals sound enhanced by computers, along with the vocals.’ The band isn’t made of poets ‘mdash; these lyrics are bad at best.’ It’s a shame that music has veered so far away from James Taylor, Tom Petty, the Boss or even Journey.’ This musical generation doesn’t compare to the great artists of yesteryear.’ ‘ ‘ ‘ Who will take up the mantle when those artists are gone? Certainly not Hoobastank.’ ‘ ‘ ‘ While For(n)ever has brief, shining moments of mediocrity, the overwhelming majority of the album is just bland, tired, overdone alt-rock. And it couldn’t be over soon enough.