Littman: Determining A-Rod’s favorite Madonna song

Surely by now you’ve seen the pictures Alex Rodriguez took for Details magazine. The photos… Surely by now you’ve seen the pictures Alex Rodriguez took for Details magazine. The photos brought A-Rod some much needed attention last week when they first popped up on the Internet. The most popular is one of Rodriguez in a skin-tight blue tank top facing a mirror, with his lips laying the faintest, most gentle kiss upon his own lips. There’s another of A-Rod on a mattress in a white tank top, and he’s lifting the top off, exposing his lower belly region. And this photo shoot took place the day after he was told Sports Illustrated was about to run a story that exposed his steroid use. The day after the photo shoot, Rodriguez supposedly called Jason Gay, who wrote the article, frantically asking him to take something out of the story. As all of Rodriguez’s accomplishments were about to be tarnished forever, what was bothering him so much? He wanted to make sure Gay didn’t mention A-Rod’s favorite song by Madonna, to whom Rodriguez was romantically linked last year. In interviews since the story broke, Gay won’t name the song, claiming he gave his word to A-Rod, who said he was afraid opposing teams would play the song in their stadiums. Of course, the big question is what is the song that freaked A-Rod out? Well, non-Yankees teams, let’s work this out so you can embarrass Rodriguez to the point where he cries while standing at third base. ‘Like A Prayer’ – This certainly seems like a strong possibility based on a few choice lyrics. First off: ‘I hear you call my name, / And it feels like home.’ It’s no secret that A-Rod just wants to be loved. Also: ‘In the midnight hour I can feel your power’ is what A-Rod could possibly say to himself after injecting steroids, because they really start to kick in around midnight. One reason it might not be this song, though, is the inclusion of prayer. Like I said, A-Rod wants to be universally adored. Atheists and non-praying people like sports and purchase merchandise or whatever products he endorses. ‘Into The Groove’ – Can’t you just picture A-Rod in the midst of a hot streak, hitting everything anyone can throw at him, coming home after a game and dancing to this song? Most likely, he’s in front of a mirror while doing some sort of dance where he rotates his shoulders and arms around while snapping along with the beat. ‘Like A Virgin’ – Once again, check out these lyrics: ‘I was beat incomplete. / I’d been had, I was sad and blue, / But you made me feel. / Yeah, you made me feel / Shiny and new.’ Hmm, what could help A-Rod feel shiny and new? Maybe these lyrics will make it clearer: ‘You’re so fine and you’re mine. / Make me strong, yeah you make me bold. / Oh your love thawed out, / Yeah, your love thawed out / What was scared and cold.’ Are you serious? It’s like Madonna’s not only a hit-making machine who can reinvent her image almost yearly, she’s a prophet! Steroids make you stronger, and can warm the body even when sticking a cold, cyst-inducing syringe into your hip. Plus, when A-Rod’s in the playoffs, he plays timidly and his at-bats don’t last long, just like a, well, you get it. ‘4 Minutes’ – One of Madonna’s newer songs, so it’s probably not it. Also, A-Rod wouldn’t like seeing his potential woman dancing all sexy around that scarf-wearing, smooth-move-having Justin Timberlake fellow, even if the world’s safety depends on it. ‘Material Girl’ – In all likelihood, it’s not this one, but I would donate an organ tomorrow if it came out that this was his favorite song. Seriously. ‘Papa Don’t Preach’ – This is a tough one. On one side, it’s Madonna owning up to her mistake, an unplanned pregnancy, and deciding to keep her baby, which sends a positive message to the kids. Conversely, some might see this as A-Rod giving his stance on the abortion issue, and he doesn’t want to do anything to make people dislike him. Working out well, no? ‘Erotica’ – This song might be more famous for a grainy music video that featured lots of suggestive behavior and partial nudity, to which A-Rod’s photo shoot could be seen as an homage. But how about these lyrics: ‘There’s a certain satisfaction / In a little bit of pain.’ Sound like anything A-Rod might know about? ‘Vogue’ – This has to be a favorite, if only because A-Rod clearly likes posing and this is the posing anthem. It also mentions Joe DiMaggio, and hey, he was a Yankee. ‘Justify My Love’ – See: ‘Material Girl.’ ‘American Pie’ – Here’s how I picture this playing out in a clubhouse. A-Rod walks in, hears the Don McLean version of the song and asks, ‘Hey, who’s this old guy playing the depressing version of that Madonna song?’ So yeah, I’d say this is in the running. There you have it guys in charge of music at baseball stadiums. See which you think it is. Now, let’s just hope A-Rod’s Madonna fixation only spreads to her music, and Details doesn’t have a picture of him hitchhiking naked. Or worse, wearing one of those cone bras under his Yankees jersey.