How boxing was saved by the bell

‘ ‘ ‘ Saturday’s fight between Juan-Manuel Marquez and Juan Diaz was one of the best boxing… ‘ ‘ ‘ Saturday’s fight between Juan-Manuel Marquez and Juan Diaz was one of the best boxing matches I’ve ever seen, which is why it was such a shame I couldn’t pay attention to the whole thing. ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ See, every time I watch a boxing match, I have to look at the people sitting ringside to see if there are any celebrities there I recognize. ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ I’ve spotted the likes of Lil’ Wayne, Jim Belushi and Ray Liotta, among others, during countless matches in the past. And during Saturday’s fight, I deftly identified perhaps the most influential cultural icon of our generation: Mario Lopez. ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ – Quick! Without looking it up, what does the A.C. in A.C. Slater stand for? The answer … after the break. ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ – This column is brought to you by awkward, late-night text messages ‘- making face-to-face interaction uncomfortable since 2005. ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ – OK, we’re back. Albert Clifford is what we were looking for. Albert Clifford. ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ – The only boxing match I want to see: Manny Pacquiao vs. Floyd Mayweather. ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ – So ‘Lafferty, Daniel’ is gridlocked in a rugged intramural hoops tussle up at Trees on Monday, and yours truly enters the game midway through the first half. Now, I’m not the greatest shooter or ball-handler out there. Rather, I pride myself on picking up all the intangibles that nobody who is actually skilled at basketball prides themselves on. ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ So I’ve been in a few minutes, running up and down, and eventually a big man gets the ball at the top of the key. I pester the heck out of the guy because this is my opportunity to contribute something tangible. It pays off. I knock the ball free, swat it the other way and take off after it. And when I say take off, I mean take off in the sense of a hang-glider trying to launch from an uphill beach dune. I barely saved the ball, and we didn’t even get a fast-break bucket. Next possession, I fumble an in-bound pass for a turnover. ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ – Rankings (first place votes): ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ 1. ‘Saved by the Bell’ ‘- I wanted to be Zack Morris so badly when I was younger that I re-took the ‘What ‘Saved By The Bell’ Character Are You?’ quiz three times in seventh grade just so I could claim to be Zack Morris in my AIM profile. ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ 2. Google maps ‘- Allows me to travel to Yakutsk, Russia, and other hot spots. ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ 3. Bear Grylls ‘- I would pay any amount to have Bear build me an igloo in the yard after our next blizzard, and I’d listen intently as he narrated every step. ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ 4. Rufio ‘- Bangerang. ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ 5. McLeach ‘- ‘The Rescuers Down Under,’ anybody? Anybody? ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ Also receiving votes: Bald eagles, Kelly Kapowski, Principal Belding, that song from ‘Requiem For a Dream.’ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ Dropped from the rankings: Mike Dexter, Trip McNeely, people who still don’t realize having an e-mail address like glittergurl248 is a tad unprofessional, running. ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ – From my ’25 Things’ Facebook note I haven’t written: 8. I talk to myself frequently and wonder how many people have seen me doing this. ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ – I get frustrated when overzealous sports fans deliberately position themselves to be on camera, like behind the broadcasters table during a basketball telecast, and then don’t know what to do when they see themselves actually on the screen. They just stand there awkwardly, maybe throw up an index finger, look around and laugh. Stupid. If you want to be on TV enough to plant yourself in front of the camera and distract everybody from the commentary, at least do something worth the distraction. Geez. ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ – Players that I had no idea were still in the NBA: Mark Madsen, Randolph Morris, Chris Mihm, Shavlik Randolph, Brevin Knight, Marcus Williams, Craig Smith. ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ – Does anybody else think Pocahontas was a little delusional? I mean, the wind is colorless. ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ – To everyone spring-breaking in Mexico: It was great having you as readers. ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ – SPRING BREAK ’09! BEST. WEEK. EVER! ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ E-mail Pat at pmitsch@gmail.com.