VanBuren: Rev your engines, Vin Diesel is back in action

I had a dream about Vin Diesel the other night. I had somewhere to be ‘mdash; as it is in… I had a dream about Vin Diesel the other night. I had somewhere to be ‘mdash; as it is in dreams, it wasn’t relevant either where or why ‘mdash; and he pulled up in his shining black stallion, the 1970 Dodge Charger from ‘The Fast and the Furious’ with the engine protruding out of the hood. I only remember getting in, but I can presume we were at our destination within 10 seconds. The time, it would seem, is upon us ‘mdash; After eight long years, the cast of the original movie is reuniting in this Friday’s gloriously titled ‘Fast ‘amp; Furious.’ Paul Walker recently confirmed that studio execs want a fifth installment in the illegal street-racing series, and I can’t be surprised ‘mdash; the series is both a lucrative action franchise and an engaging, unwitting satire. Yes, satire. It might not be Oscar Wilde, but the series is blatant, unintentional irony ‘mdash; an inadvertent joke with itself for a punchline. Over eight years it has transformed from something barely serious to a fearfully brilliant, self-referentially derisive mockery of itself, its genre and its audience. Like a snake eating its own tail, the series satiates its need for new material by feeding on itself, indulging in its own ridiculousness. The cynical would call this a devolution, the denigration of an inoffensively popcorn-fueled action movie into a tired and increasingly absurd display of NOS-blasting, fishtailing nonsense. But whether it wants to or not, the series is somehow improving ‘mdash; despite its best efforts, it’s smarter. To make myself clear, the series is still stupid. It is a brainless parade of fast cars, babes and D-list rappers. But in a time when making something so absurd is considered hip, the series dares to take itself seriously. In the past few years, bad action movies have become increasingly trendy ‘mdash; adrenaline pumpers like ‘Shoot ‘Em Up’ and ‘Crank’ revel in their own violent theatrics, while each new entry in the ‘Transporter’ series tries to outdo the last in terms of implausibility. Diesel and the gang, though, have yet to enter that territory of the willfully stupid. Instead they motor on, zipping around the streets of Los Angeles, Miami, Tokyo or wherever else they can meet their need for speed, or a life without rules, or whatever. It’s frivolous and cliche, it’s unconscious stupidity ‘mdash; unlike intentionally ridiculous fare, these movies invite the audience to laugh at them, not with them. Or, for some, they invite the audience to laugh at itself. Because by God, I love these movies. I love them the same way I love raw cookie dough ‘mdash; it might not be real food, but a little bit now and then won’t kill you. If you think it’s actually substantive, though, you’re either lying to yourself or you’re as unknowingly ignorant as the studio execs and the cookie dough companies must hope you are. Of course, the topic of ignorance raises the question of whether ‘The Fast and the Furious’ filmmakers are aware that what they produce is utterly preposterous. Whether they consider it a straight-faced mockery of overblown action or they themselves sit in traffic and imagine that their Honda Civics have big, red turbo buttons on the gear shifts. In either case, this franchise demonstrates that satire need not be a question of intent ‘mdash; these movies are emblematic of much that is excessive and inane. The only other recourse is to believe that this series shouldn’t be appreciated as unintentional satire, but that it is simply idiotic entertainment for simpletons in the PG-13 action movie audience. But that’s no fun. When Diesel pulls up beside you in that shining, black stallion, it’s much better to just hop on in and enjoy the ride ‘mdash; even if you’re laughing the entire time.