Lehe: Hope for ‘hopetastic’ stimulus

Congress passed the Senate’s version of the economic stimulus plan last Friday. Nearing $800… Congress passed the Senate’s version of the economic stimulus plan last Friday. Nearing $800 billion, the stimulus is the largest single piece of fiscal policy in U.S. history. While Congress was dragging its heels, one brave man was pushing his own economic stimulus plan for a decade. That man is Matthew Lesko. His suit is covered in question marks, but Matthew Lesko has the answers ‘mdash; gobs and gobs of answers and unbeatable values for unbeatable Americans with American values. Before Congress ever decided to dole out billions for energy, health, infrastructure and tax cuts, Matthew Lesko told people how they could do the same and more with existing laws and government programs. What is the point of an economic stimulus plan? We’re in a recession. A recession is sort of a paradox if you think about it. Somehow there are the same amounts of machines, workers and knowledge as a year ago, but a lot less stuff is getting made. There are unemployed people who want stuff, and other unemployed people who can give it to them. Yet somehow they just cannot employ each other to get the stuff they want. Clearly, stuff is broken. As long as that stuff is broken, most people with money are scared and want to save it in case things get even worse. But as everyone steps up their saving all at once, prices and wages start falling, and the debt people owe becomes an even greater share of their income. So by saving more quickly, consumers and companies actually grow deeper in debt. A stimulus is meant to invigorate what John Maynard Keynes called the ‘animal spirits’ of business people. It is meant to make companies confident that spending money now on stuff ‘mdash; stuff like machines, buildings, research, training and labor ‘mdash; will return profits in the future. Optimism becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy: Each business’ investments go well because workers and other businesses are willing to spend. While everyone is busy working, new processes and technologies are discovered that let us make even more stuff with the same amount of stuff. But a stimulus is only sleight of hand. You’re getting more money now, but your taxes will have to pay it back in the future. If folks think too hard about the debt, they’ll just save the stimulus money for later. And then we’re back where we started! The stimulus has to make people feel like they’re getting free stuff. If that makes them invest, and the economy grows, to some extent it will actually be free stuff since now there’s more economy to tax and pay back the debt. Enter Matthew Lesko! With titles like ‘Gobs and Gobs of Free Stuff,’ Lesko is ahead of the curve. Am I nervous about investing? Not anymore because I’m getting free stuff ‘mdash; gobs and gobs of it. But alas, as if deliberately opposing Lesko’s efforts, President Obama is a downer. His studied candor and sober manner send a frank message about tough challenges ahead. Getting elected was the only hopeful thing Obama has pulled off. America is in a fix that demands something more than hopeful ‘mdash; something ‘hopetastic.’ Obama needs to start making up words like ‘hopetastic.’ Obama could get people spending more if he rolled into a random strip-mall parking lot, driving a car covered in question marks, stepped out wearing a suit covered in question marks and confirmed Lesko’s conviction that ‘The government has gone crazy!’ This should be Obama’s next speech: ‘I am feeling HOPETASTIC! We are giving you five, no 10, no 15,000 DOLLARS to get a job, make a job, start a business, learn to weld, weld a windmill, joust a windmill, insulate your home, insulate your grandmother’s home, insulate a windmill, build a bike path and even buy MEDICAL RECORD-KEEPING TECHNOLOGY! In the future, because of all these UNBEATABLE DEALS, profits will be OFF THE CHARTS. My fellow Americans, DO NOT MISS OUT. If it saves energy or improves your health, for THE SAKE OF SHY BUT GOOD-HEARTED CHILDREN buy that junk! EVERYTHING has GOT TO GO!’ Lesko’s track record isn’t perfect, though. The policies advocated in ‘Free Money to Quit Your Job’ might be responsible for growing unemployment. Maybe payrolls are shrinking as millions of Americans quit their jobs to turn their lives around and be their own bosses. It’s hard to say how far Obama should proceed in this vein. How crazy can the government get? How fast will the money be spent? Which projects are worthwhile? You could cover a suit with the question marks. E-mail Lewis at ljl10@pitt.edu.