Mitsch: Steroids, rapid fire and more

So I guess we’re still in the steroids era of Major League Baseball?

With pitchers and… So I guess we’re still in the steroids era of Major League Baseball?

With pitchers and catchers about to report to spring training, there’s not much talk of the upcoming season. Not as much, at least, as there is talk about steroids, hearings about steroids and hearings about hearings about steroids.

Alex Rodriguez just admitted he took them for two years. Miguel Tejada is reportedly going to admit that he lied to Congress about an ex-teammate taking them. Roger Clemens is still being prodded. When asked if all of this was a distraction, Derek Jeter said it is when you have to talk about it every day.

It’s not just distracting, it’s discouraging, too. It’s one of the most frustrating times to be a baseball fan, always feeling conflicted about the steroids era. Were all the players taking them? How many were that we won’t ever know about? And who is to blame — corrupt trainers, the players for not policing themselves or baseball itself for allowing all of this to snowball? You can’t point the finger at one without involving either of the other two. And as tough as it is to watch, you can’t blame the government for wanting to sort it all out.

With the he-said-this and he-said-that nature of most of the steroids information unfolding, it’s impossible to say for sure how or when the steroids era will end. For the fans, the only solace is that hopefully it someday will.

All right, fun time:

– Well, Troy Aikman finally did it. The former Cowboys quarterback finished up at UCLA with his final two classes, one of which was on aging. Makes me wonder if there’s a class at Pitt on making the transition into adulthood and why I’m not crusin’ to my degree with that on the schedule.

– The Dallas Stars just sent Sean Avery to Hartford of the American Hockey League, to which Hartford team officials almost said, ‘Eh … we don’t want your sloppy seconds.’

– Larry Fitzgerald needs to have a nickname. The sickest wide receiver ever cannot go without one. I say we call him ‘The Rhetorical Question,’ because he was not made to be answered.

– The Adidas jerseys that they’re giving the NBA All-Stars to wear apparently have ‘powerbands’ that energize certain muscles that can increase your vertical jump. I wonder if the replicas will have that, too, and when they’ll be available for purchase. So don’t be surprised if you see me up at Trees trying to run with, like, four NBA All-Star jerseys on.

-‘ Oh … Most Unappreciated Dunk-Contest Dunk of All Time: the Gerald Green cupcake dunk of 2008.

– Sports Movie Trivia Quote of the Last Three Weeks: ‘Quite a large and economically diverse crowd here at the Michelob Invitational … ‘

– Stadium songs that still get me pumped no matter how many times I’ve heard them: Guns N’ Roses ‘- ‘Welcome to the Jungle.’ And that’s it.

– Rankings (first place votes) —

1. The Rhetorical Question (1) ‘-‘ …? Yeah, you got nothing.

2. Biff’s sports almanac in ‘Back to the Future II’ ‘- I’d love to have 50 years worth of sports information fit in my back pocket. Ah, movies. (Also, remember at the end when Biff realizes that the book is actually right? He’s driving in his car and comparing the day’s college football scores as they come through on the radio. Among them? Pittsburgh 13, West Virginia 9. Serious.)

3. Marty’s hoverboard ‘- Gets No. 3 because of its poor performance in the final tunnel sequence.

4. Lafferty, Daniel ‘- Next to tee off.

5. Blink182 ‘- Back together? Um … YES!

Dropped from the rankings: A-Rod puns (Exhibit A-Rod, Si.com? Come on.), Marquette.’

– Sports Movie Trivia Quote Answer of the Last Three Weeks: Verne Lundquist as the announcer in ‘Happy Gilmore.’

– You know, as graduation approaches and people ask me about how the job search is going and if I’ve heard anything, I think I’ll just start quoting old-time centerfielder Mickey Rivers: ‘Ain’t no sense worrying about things you got no control over, ’cause if you got no control over them, ain’t no sense worrying. And ain’t no sense worrying about things you got control over, ’cause if you got control over them, ain’t no sense worrying.’

E-mail Pat at pmitsch@gmail.com.