Being Paul Walker in the Victoria computer lab just doesn’t work

‘ ‘ ‘ Remember the scene in ‘The Fast and the Furious’ (the first one, the one we all wanted to… ‘ ‘ ‘ Remember the scene in ‘The Fast and the Furious’ (the first one, the one we all wanted to see) when Paul Walker and Vin Diesel get pulled over by Johnny Tran and his gang?’ Right after the big street race at the beginning? The one Ja Rule lost horribly? The ‘It doesn’t matter if you win by an inch or a mile ‘mdash; winning’s winning’ race? ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ Yeah, well, imagine I’m just Paul Walker, I have no Vin Diesel with me, and I walk aimlessly into a computer lab in Victoria Hall ‘mdash; home of the Pitt School of Nursing. ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ Now, I’m a second-semester senior and had yet to be in Victoria until this winter for a class completely unrelated to nursing. When it comes to nursing, I know nothing. ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ I must not look like a nurse, either. As soon as I sat down at one of the 50 empty computers in this lab, Tran (a guy with glasses) asked me if I was a nursing student. I said no, of course, I’m a communications major. I write for The Pitt News, too. I also did an intern- ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘You can’t use this lab.’ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘Hmm?’ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘Yeah, if you’re not a nursing student you can’t use this lab.’ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ Now this was a computer, not a cadaver, mind you, and my non-nursing hands type the same as everybody else’s. Maybe even faster. But I’ll never tickle any keyboards in Victoria as long as Johnny Tran’s guarding his turf. ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ Victoria’s not the only building in which I feel awkward, though, and walking through some buildings I feel like one of the Warriors lost in the Bowery or Tremont or Riverside Park. Victoria ‘mdash; nurses. Benedum ‘mdash; engineers. My head’s on a swivel anytime I hit upper campus. So watch out anytime you’re wandering around the 11th floor of the Cathedral or the fourth floor of the Union or the media tables at the Pete. ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ Then you’re on my turf. And don’t you dare ask to check your e-mail. ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ – Wouldn’t you love to star in one of those ESPN commercials where they interview the people who check their fantasy scores on their phones through, like, their own wedding? I would come out of class … ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ Reporter: Pat! Pat! What was the hardest part of getting through class today? ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ Me: Well to be honest, it was just trying to stay awake. I mean, it’s a small classroom and I tried to scoot behind the kid in front of me to block the view of my professor, but he kept leaning back and forth, so I had to adjust. You know, I’m not really sure if I got anything out of today or if my professor did catch me sleeping or texting, for that matter. But I kept my eye on the clock, and I think I stayed the whole way through, so that’s something to build on. ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ Reporter: What about graduation? ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ Me: Well, I can’t afford to think that far ahead. Right now I’m just focused on this weekend. It’s going to be a good one. ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ – Santonio Holmes’ receiver gloves, the ones he wore in the Super Bowl, were just auctioned off for $70,200. But the hands inside those gloves? Those, my friends, are priceless. ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ – Price of a 2008 Jaguar XK Coupe: $74,835. So, at face value here, I could walk into the Jaguar dealership by my house with $4,635 and a pair of NFL Equipment gloves and walk out with a shiny new expensive car. ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ – When asked about how Pirates spring training compared to the attention around Yankees spring training, where he spent the last two seasons, Pirates pitcher Ross Ohlendorf said, ‘It’s a little bit different here.’ In more ways than you know, Ross. Welcome to the Pirates, pal. ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ – Somewhere the Pirates will never be … a Top 5 (first place votes): ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ 1. DeJuan Blair ‘- Who-sheem? ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ 2. Lady Gaga ‘- Pokerface. Love it. ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ 3. Searching ‘Rey Maualuga Erin Andrews Rose Bowl 2009’ on YouTube. ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ 4. DeJuan Blair. ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ 5. Rudy Fernandez ‘- Robbed at the dunk contest. Flat-out robbed. ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ Dropped from the rankings: Kevin Rudolph and his fat-slob hype man (Did anybody see this performance before the dunk contest? Was it not the worst you’d ever seen in your life? I mean, the worst?) ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ – You know what I need more of? A-Rod. ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ – NOT! ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ – Chris Cooley wrote a list about the 19 best things about his Pro Bowl experience, and ‘mdash; whoa, whoa … Cooley’s a Pro-Bowler? ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ E-mail Pat at pmitsch@gmail.com.