Distance new test for graduating couples

‘ ‘ ‘ Editor’s Note: The students’ names in this story have been changed to encourage open… ‘ ‘ ‘ Editor’s Note: The students’ names in this story have been changed to encourage open discussion. ‘ ‘ Even though their relationship began only 11 months ago, Erin and Joe know they have found their soul mates in each other. ‘We don’t know every detail about each other,’ said Erin, a 21-year-old Pitt senior from Silver Spring, Md. ‘But we are getting there.’ Like many other Pitt seniors in relationships, Erin and Joe anticipate strains from life after graduation. The couple met in January 2008 at a wedding in Richmond, Va., and spent the majority of their relationship in different cities. For four months last fall, they were in different countries. Erin was studying abroad in Dublin, Ireland. ‘That was very difficult,’ said Joe, a 26-year-old second-year law student at St. John’s University School of Law in Queens, N.Y. ‘We had our first fight, and it was colossal.’ Daniel Romesberg, a senior lecturer in the sociology department, said that distance puts a strain on relationships. He referred to those special cases as ‘turnpike relationships,’ where couples live in different cities and get together over the weekend. ‘They say distance makes the heart grow fonder,’ said Romesberg. ‘I don’t think it does.’ James Cox, director of Pitt’s counseling center, said couples experience major challenges when neither person in the relationship can secure employment in a desired location. Senior class couples experience this challenge when they’re transitioning out of school and into the work force. ‘If they cannot support one another, they will tend to take stress out on one another,’ said Cox. Mary and Michael said they don’t anticipate distance to be a major issue after graduation. ‘We both live in the same area,’ said Mary, a 21 year-old Pitt senior from Sterling, Va. ‘We plan on going back home and to that area after school.’ Mary and Michael, a 21-year-old Pitt senior from outside of Baltimore, began dating in the fall of 2007, after they both ended serious long-distance relationships. Mary said Michael’s laid-back nature drew her to him, and he said he was attracted to how relaxed she made him feel. ‘There was no need to put up a front with her,’ said Michael. ‘I could always let my guard down.’ However, being in a relationship at Pitt has not always been easy for the couple. ‘It’s hard when you hear some of the things people say about you and your relationship,’ said Mary. ‘You just have to trust your partner.’ The couple said that leaving Pittsburgh would eliminate those problems. After graduation, Michael and Mary plan to move back home and begin looking for employment in the Maryland and Washington, D.C., area. Michael and Mary said they feel confident that they’ll be able to maintain a healthy relationship long after college because they understand each other, and they won’t get stuck in a routine. ‘Communication is also important,’ said Mary. ‘I am not a mind reader.’ Irene Frieze, a professor of psychology and women’s studies, said that couples tend to have subconscious expectations they never talk about. When problems arise, she said, the couple might realize they really don’t see eye-to-eye. Frieze advises partners to share their expectations with each other through open and honest communication. Erin and Joe agreed that communication is essential. They keep their romance alive by talking through Skype, Facebook chat, AIM and the phone. Erin even joked that Skype is their relationship. ‘I don’t know how we managed to talk so much and get through school,’ said Erin. The couple has begun to talk about marriage. Last Christmas, Joe showed Erin his family heirloom, an engagement ring. ‘I wanted to see if she would actually like the ring,’ said Joe. She did. The couple put engagement plans on hold because they’re focused on their educations. After graduation, Erin wants to attend Rutgers for library science, and Joe will be taking his bar exams in a year. ‘That should give him time to resize the ring,’ said Erin. While some committed couples plan for a future together, Paul and Chloe, who have been dating for eight months, do not see the need. ‘Neither of us are thinking about what will happen after graduation,’ said Paul, a 22-year-old Pitt senior from Upper Darby, Pa. ‘We are still young and have a lot of life to live.’ A mutual friend set up the couple at the end of last May. Neither Chloe nor Paul knew where their friendship was going until Paul told Chloe he was ready to change his relationship status on Facebook. ‘That’s one thing I like about him,’ said Chloe, a 21-year-old Pitt senior from Bethesda, Md. ‘It’s the balance of him being so laid-back. He is such a space cadet.’ Among the various challenges of their campus romance, Paul said money is his primary stressor. Chloe is a fan of fine cuisine, but being a student puts a strain on his funds. Paul said he would love to be able to take her out all the time. ‘She is just really awesome,’ said Paul. ‘There is just something about her.’ Both Chloe and Paul have one more semester at Pitt, but neither has any idea what will happen to their relationship after December 2009. Paul said he does not want their relationship to hold either one back from what they want to do. Chloe agreed, but said she would not mind making it work with Paul on the condition that it is meant to be. ‘I am at a point in my life when my friends are getting engaged, and it’s traumatizing,’ said Chloe. ‘I don’t know what classes I am going to take next semester let alone who I am going to spend the rest of my life with.’