Unable to decide for ourselves, top 10’s come to the rescue

Top 10 lists are an unquestionably superior form of writing. What other format so quickly and… Top 10 lists are an unquestionably superior form of writing. What other format so quickly and effectively disseminates information with little-to-no explanation, context or effort? With memories of 2008 quickly fading from our increasingly ADD-crippled minds, it’s time now for every opinionated moviegoer ‘mdash; and I’m told there are many ‘mdash; to condense an entire year’s worth of judgment into an easily digestible countdown. Not knowing which critic’s top 10 list is the most reliable, I chose to avoid the professional opinions this year and read only the lists created by people on my Facebook friends list. What I’ve learned is that ‘Sex and the City’ might have been the third best movie of 2008. It managed to beat out ‘Batman,’ which was ‘way to [sic] boring,’ and ‘Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince,’ a movie that has not yet been released. Another list suggests that ‘Zack and Miri Make a Porno’ is approximately four movies better than ‘Slumdog Millionaire.’ Though it would be childish of me to call these opinions stupid (though I’m sure I’ll do it anyway), they are certainly uninformed. That is, these aren’t so much ‘Top 10 movies of 2008’ lists as they are ‘Top 10 movies out of the ones I actually saw in 2008’ lists. It’s the difference between ‘I see movies like it’s my job’ and ‘I see movies because it is my job. Seriously, I saw like five movies this week.’ Still, there is something to be said about the commitment and credentials that accompany professionalism ‘mdash; that is, someone craving informed political analysis might be better suited to read an issue of Newsweek than to consult the captain of a high school debate team. Unfortunately, lists like the ones in question are imperfect by design. Film, like other art forms, is not governable by quantitative judgment. There are no scorecards, only opinion. And while this caveat has accompanied every subjective review of every piece of artwork ever, the top 10 list encourages thoughtlessness. Does it damage the credibility of film criticism to declare which movie is ‘better’ than another? No. Nor does it purport to be infallible or even relevant. That being the case, though, it seems a ridiculous thing to take seriously ‘mdash; or to take at all, for that matter. Yet people do, and they demand it. The top 10 format is popular ‘mdash; Time.com has 50 this year, with everything from movies to oddball news stories. You can imagine my disappointment that ‘Virgin Shark Mother’ was only the fourth ‘oddballiest’ news story of 2008, though I’m sure ‘Virgin-born Shark Cures Shark Lepers’ will top the list in 2009. People like top 10 lists because they define what’s right and wrong, what’s worth remembering and what isn’t. It’s especially helpful today, when constant blogging and shows like ‘Best Week Ever’ foster nostalgia for things that happened 48 hours ago. While it isn’t breaking news that everyone has an opinion, the still-booming popularity of networking on sites like Facebook and YouTube has made all these opinions ‘mdash; well-informed and otherwise ‘mdash; easy to share and difficult to avoid. If you too are frustrated by the banality of year-end top 10 lists, the only option is to sequester yourself. Don’t log on to Facebook, and if you do, block all your friends who are film majors. Television is safe except for VH1, and avoid any pop culture or entertainment periodicals until at least February ‘mdash; by then they’ll all be busy debating whose top 10 list was the most accurate and credible, and what the early favorites are for their ‘Best of ’09’ issue.