Mitsch: Get ready for Primanti’s, Philly fans

Before we get to anything else, let’s settle this: ‘mdash; Regarding the revolving doors on the… Before we get to anything else, let’s settle this: ‘mdash; Regarding the revolving doors on the first-floor patio of the Cathedral: There’s no right or wrong entrance or exit. Nothing says you have to line up and wait to walk in on the right side while others exit on the left. It’s a revolving door. That’s the point of a revolving door. You can go in or out on the same side. Please use them both so I can get on with my life. ‘mdash; I also don’t get why people slow down and cause long traffic jams when they enter the Squirrel Hill Tunnel from the other side. And it’s only this tunnel. There are plenty of tunnels on the turnpike and none of them are treated nearly as gingerly as the Squirrel Hill Tunnel. If a helicopter can fly into the tunnel under the English Channel in ‘Mission Impossible,’ crash, explode and Tom Cruise still comes out immaculate, then the Squirrel Hill Tunnel isn’t that treacherous. ‘mdash; All this knowledge coming from the guy who showed up to class an hour early on Tuesday and wondered where everybody was. The real after-the-fact, wow-am-I-an-idiot moment of this was when I saw a kid who is in my class head off to another classroom and thought, ‘Hmm. Wonder where that guy’s going?’ Phew. OK, sports? ‘mdash; Sports Movie Quote Trivia Question of the Day: ‘Who’s the captain of our crew? Who’s a friend to me and you? Kinda nice, good looking, too?’ ‘mdash; All I wanted to do on Monday morning after a brisk 11 a.m. wake-up was watch the Steelers highlights and hear Merril Hodge rehash every play as if it were designed by God as an example of how football was meant to be played. I waited more than an hour for that while ESPN put everyone in the NFL and everyone who covers the NFL on the air using satellite or video phone or whatever to talk about their one run-in with Tony Dungy eight years ago and how sincere he sounded when he said, ‘Excuse me,’ as he brushed by. A great coach, though, Dungy. ‘mdash; A Steelers-Cardinals Super Bowl would be like Pittsburgh vs. Pittsburgh. Or, rather, Pittsburgh vs. Everyone Who Once Coached In Pittsburgh But Wasn’t Good Enough To Get The Head-Coaching Job When Cowher Retired So They Had To Leave For Arizona And Ride Larry Fitz’ Coattails. A great job they’re doing in the desert, though, Russ Grimm and Ken Whisenhunt. ‘mdash; But what if the planets align and the Steelers and Eagles wind up in the Super Bowl? I’ll tell you what I would like to see: the Pittsburgh and Philadelphia mayors make a bet on the game unlike any mayors’ bet ever seen before in history. The losing city (are you ready for this?) … the losing city would for one year be forced to produce only the other city’s marquis sandwich. Yes. Imagine, you ‘Philly’ and ‘just outside of Philly’ people, coming home over the summer, longing for a taste of your native Just-Outside-of-Philadelphia, traveling to Pat’s or Gino’s (if you’re ‘that’ guy), ordering your beloved Wiz-without and getting … a Primanti Bros. No. 2 Bestseller sandwich with a greasy, uncapped bottle of Red Devil hot sauce and an I.C. Light. Hahahaha. Hahahahahahaha! ‘mdash; Rankings: 1. Pitt (1): The unanimous choice for me, if no one else. 2. The Evil Chipmunk video: Funniest five seconds of your life. 3. Jerry Maguire: It completes me. 4. The lobby gunfight scene in ‘The Matrix.’ 5. The possibility of Erin Andrews coming back to the Pete: I would die … happy. ‘mdash; Tuesday marked 10 years since Michael Jordan retired (from the Bulls the second time, before he retired after he came back with the Wizards) and 14 years since the Air Jordan XIs were released. The ones with the patent leather around the bottom? The hands-down coolest pair of Jordans ever? I coveted those things like Gollum in ‘The Lord of the Rings,’ if Gollum were in third grade and still wore Umbro shorts and No Fear T-shirts. I’ll never feel the same way about another shoe. ‘mdash; Sports Movie Quote Trivia Answer of the Day: Sanka, Sanka yay Sanka! ‘Cool Runnings,’ man. Feel the rhythm. ‘mdash; You know what’s awesome is when you’re walking across an icy parking lot and everything’s cool, until you do what you swore you weren’t going to do this winter and slip and fall flat on your face and everybody walking by lets you know that they saw. Yep. Lot of pride-gulping this week. ‘mdash; Not on Sunday, though. Sunday’s a big day. For all of us. E-mail Pat at pmitsch@gmail.com.