Littman: Place your Super Bowl bets

People love to bet on the Super Bowl. It might be difficult to believe, but it’s true. Or at… People love to bet on the Super Bowl. It might be difficult to believe, but it’s true. Or at least that’s what a recent study by the Littman Institute of Sham Percentages says. The study says 94 percent of people admit to having bet on the Super Bowl, and it was the most fun thing they’ve ever done. The other six percent couldn’t be contacted, presumably because they can’t afford phones after losing all their money while betting on the Super Bowl. Well, reader friends, it’s that magical time of year again. Hopefully you haven’t spent the money brought to you by the Inauguration Fairy ‘- she leaves money under your pillow once every four years, but only to those who voted for the winner ‘- so you too can bet on the big game. Sure, saving money is nice, especially with Valentine’s Day coming up, but don’t fret. Listen to me and you’ll be able to build not one but two bears. So now that you’re ready to throw down your money, or rather invest it, the next question is where to invest. There are so many things to bet on when it comes to the Super Bowl. Of course you can bet on the winner. Boring. You can do that any week of the year, with any sport. ‘Why Adam, are you saying I should bet on something crazy, like the coin toss?’ That was you, by the way. But yes, bet crazily. Unfortunately, you’re kind of unimaginative. The coin toss is not the slightest bit crazy. In fact, next to the winner, MVP, length of the game, commercials and score at halftime, the coin toss is the most bet-on aspect of the Super Bowl. Well it’s a good thing you stopped by, because I’m going to tell you all the hip things to bet on for this Super Bowl. Not only that, but I’m going to tell you how to bet, which I believe makes us best buddies. Or at least partners in crime, so let’s go! First off, we’ll go with an easy one. Did you know Arizona Cardinals coach Ken Whisenhunt and Pittsburgh Steelers coach Mike Tomlin were both up for the Steelers coaching job when Bill Cowher quit after the 2006 season? They were, and the announcers will surely talk about this a lot. The line is set pretty low, at 8.5 mentions during the telecast, so go with the over. This next one isn’t dependent on who wins, but how you bet will most certainly depend on who you think wins. The line for mentions of Jesus by the winning quarterback in his post-game interview is set at 3.5. If you think the Steelers win, take the under, but if you think the Cardinals pull it off, go with the over. Way over. That new president, Barack Obama, is pretty popular. Popular enough to warrant you taking the over on 4.5 mentions of his name during the telecast? Yep, he’s everywhere. I’m pretty sure I caught him hanging out in the background of the last episode of ‘How I Met Your Mother,’ but unfortunately not as the mother. The line is set at 3.5 for number of times someone watching a Steelers game for the first time this year sees Tomlin and says, ‘That’s their coach? He looks young enough to be a player!’ This one really depends on who you watch with, but just know it will be said by at least one person seeing him for the first time. This next one doesn’t have a line, but it’s rather betting on whether or not it’s going to happen. Before the game, Whisenhunt gives the Cardinals an impassioned speech on how nobody believed in them or thought they deserved to be here. ‘Guys, somehow we made it to the finals,’ he’ll say. ‘Let’s give it our best shot, and try to come from behind at the last minute with some weird trick play we made up and win the game.’ Then, defensive end Bertrand Berry will say, ‘The whole thing feels kind of trite, I say we forget it.’ Whisenhunt will tell Tomlin that his team doesn’t want any part in finishing up a stereotypical sports underdog story with a win, to which Tomlin says, ‘Yeah it’s sort of hackneyed,’ and the Steelers win the Super Bowl by default. It probably won’t happen, but it might.’ The line is set at 13.5 mentions of the fact that Jerome Bettis was born in Detroit, which is an astonishingly interesting fact no matter how many times you hear it. Take the under, unfortunately. For number of times the guy nobody is sure who invited is seen actively avoiding watching the game, but tells everyone to shut up when the commercials are on, we have a line of 2.5. Go with the over, but if you let it happen more than four times without kicking that dude out of your house, your loss. We have a line of 12.5 for number of promos run for NBC’s ‘The Office,’ which airs a new episode after the game. Take the over. They’re going to hype that thing up so much you’re going to swear Andy Bernard is playing running back for the Cardinals. Those are just some of the things you can bet on during the game, you know, to keep it fun. Now, your regular bookies might not want in on this action, but there’s a dashing young fellow in Panther Hall who would be more than happy to. Happy betting, and be sure to look out for next week’s guide to betting on the Pro Bowl! Just kidding. Nobody cares about that.