Pittsburgh’s average Joes sport weekend alter egos

‘ ‘ ‘ Dr. Devastation is not a licensed or accredited medical doctor, which means he couldn’t… ‘ ‘ ‘ Dr. Devastation is not a licensed or accredited medical doctor, which means he couldn’t prescribe anything for the pain he inflicted Saturday night. ‘ ‘ ‘ He doesn’t own a lab coat and can’t read an X-ray, but he’s been known to draw blood and issue a ‘death certificate’ when the occasion calls for it. ‘ ‘ ‘ On weekdays, in milder moods, Dr. Devastation is known around the accounting office of H.J. Heinz Company as Lou Martin, Certified Public Accountant. ‘ ‘ ‘ But on the weekends, the doctor is in, serving as one of the professional wrestlers of the Keystone State Wrestling Alliance. ‘ ‘ ‘ After a holiday hiatus, Dr. D and the rest of the KSWA made their 2009 debut with ample spandex and rage for the New Year’s Knockout at the Lawrenceville Moose Lodge. ‘ ‘ ‘ Their matches, a staple in the Pittsburgh wrestling community since 2000, hearken back to simpler times in wrestling when, if a fighter wanted to look like he was hitting his opponent with a folding chair, he actually would. ‘ ‘ ‘ Shawn ‘The Enforcer’ Blanchard, another 9-to-5er and wrestler with the KSWA, said this is one of his favorite things about the alliance. ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘We’re truer to the sport here, like it was when they did ‘Studio Wrestling,” said Blanchard, referring to a popular Pittsburgh-based TV show in the ’60s and ’70s featuring weekly fights against area and national heavyweights. ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘That’s what’s different nowadays ‘mdash; kids want everything handed to them. They see those guys on TV and think they can do it and don’t realize it’s a lot of work.’ ‘ ‘ ‘ Kids today also want other things, though. And at Saturday’s match, they, and their parents, were anything but shy about suggesting them to the fighters in the ring. ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘Tear his beard off!’ was one such suggestion, offered to ‘La Lucha,’ a masked wrestler with Mariachi band theme music, to get back at his adversary, Irishman ‘Mike Malachi.’ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘Break his leg!’ was another helpful tip, shouted to ‘Double A’ Anthony Alexander in the penultimate match of the night. ‘ ‘ ‘ The wrestlers invite and, in fact, encourage comments from armchair fighters. After smashing ‘Justin Sane’s’ face, black leather asylum mask and all, into the ground in the first match of the night, The Enforcer responded to hecklers by turning to the crowd, hands behind his head and tongue out, with a pelvic thrust. ‘ ‘ ‘ The Enforcer, along with Dr. Devastation, Ali Kaida, The Latin Assassin, Biker Al, Vinnie Stone and the Blood Beast, plays the part of a villain in the ring and says he loves it. ‘ ‘ ‘ When asked whether he chose to be a villain or if the role was assigned to him, Blanchard said, ‘I just like pissing people off. I figure I was born that way, why change?’ ‘ ‘ ‘ Difficult though it may be to reconcile his button-down shirt, khaki pants accountant side to his trash-talking, bat-wielding, wrestling persona, Martin said his family and friends had no trouble accepting his weekend job. ‘ ‘ ‘ Indeed, his wife, Missy, is a ticket-taker at matches and acts as the general ‘house mom’ for the group, looking after things and cleaning up behind the wrestlers as they strip off sparkly hats and sequined robes, or in the case of the Blood Beast, drool fake blood from the ring. ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘My mom was a little goofy about it when I first told her,’ said Martin. ‘She was like, ‘You’re gonna do what?’ But then you see your mom in the crowd and you tell her to shut up and it’s all good.’ ‘ ‘ ‘ The only person in the Martin family not quite ready to embrace ‘Dr. Devastation’ is his 5-year-old son. ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘He came once, but he got a little upset,’ said Martin. ‘He didn’t like seeing Daddy get hit.’ ‘ ‘ ‘ From Saturday’s crowd, it seems all types of people get a kick out of coming in from the snow, popping the cap off a bottle of beer and settling back in their chairs for a night of good, clean mayhem. ‘ ‘ ‘ Different wrestlers had fan ‘mdash; or heckler ‘mdash; sections full of KSWA ‘Krazies,’ as the regulars are called, in varying levels of costume. ‘ ‘ ‘ Most wore jeans and sweatshirts with Steelers emblems, but the fanatics had everything from their own felt and leather face masks to homemade shirts and face paint. ‘ ‘ ‘ One group, particularly conspicuous in their costumes and the fact that they were a group of 20 or so teenage girls in a Moose Lodge, came out for Saturday’s fight to support their high school basketball coach, ‘Mr. Puniverse,’ Bob Narr. ‘ ‘ ‘ Two of the girls, dressed in costumes that could only be the aggregate sum of every Halloween in their lives, escorted their coach out to the ring, giggling as he danced to a hip-hop theme song. ‘ ‘ ‘ Things weren’t looking good for Mr. Puniverse early on, but he made a spasmodic comeback late in the match culminating in multiple crotch stomps to his opponent, Biker Al, and a final insulting mooning with his valentine’s boxer shorts in the Biker’s face. ‘ ‘ ‘ Watching the girls’ team scream and giggle and little kids ask for autographs and chant put-downs like ‘Dairy Queen’ to ‘The King’ Del Douglas, the repetition by the wrestlers that the KSWA is a family business made by, and for, the fans is clear. ‘ ‘ ‘ Every year the alliance hosts a fanfest/toy drive in December to collect gifts for abused and neglected children in the Pittsburgh area. ‘ ‘ ‘ KSWA members host birthday parties, make appearances at the homes of sick children, ask around when they don’t see a regular ‘Krazie’ in attendance for a few weeks, treat one another like family and then, on fight nights, beat the heck out of that family to raucous applause.