Enough from you, Kirk Radomski

In honor of Super Bowl media day and the ridiculous questions asked there, I’ll answer all of… In honor of Super Bowl media day and the ridiculous questions asked there, I’ll answer all of the ridiculous questions I know you’ve all been dying to ask me: – No, I wasn’t offered the role of ‘Valkyrie.’ – No, I’m currently between record labels. – No, I’m not the guy in the Calvin Klein ads, though I can certainly see how you might make that mistake. – I guess when it comes down to it, I just want to focus on the column each week. I’m always looking for new ideas and ways to improve my writing and to avoid complacency. Sometimes you don’t hit as big as you’d wish, or you leave a good joke out there on the table, but it is what it is, you know? Right now I’m just trying to take it one column at a time and hope to continue to get better from week to week. OK?’ Thanks guys. – I’m becoming upset at the number of visible sports figures airing their interpersonal grievances and emptying their heavy consciences in their shocking, tell-all books. (Macaulay Culkin face!)’ Really? I mean, Joe Torre slamming on A-Rod? Kirk Radomski writing ‘Bases Loaded’ (worst title pun ever), in which he sells out everyone to whom he probably loved selling or not selling performance enhancing drugs. It’s like people aren’t able to settle problems between themselves anymore. Instead, they just wait for a sultry book deal to smear everyone they were ever close to. But don’t worry … they’ll regret it all in a few years and apologize to everyone if their books doesn’t sell. – While we’re talking about books, what gives everyone who’s ever been known by even a modest public audience, especially in a scandal, the right to write a book like it’s his own personal confession? I mean, which would you rather pick up?’ ‘The Diary of Kirk Radomski’ or ‘the Diary of Anne Frank?’ Well … don’t answer that. But Torre? A totem pole would get frustrated at Torre for not holding up his end of the conversation, and you’re telling me he’s co-authoring a book? Come on. When will Brian McNamee’s book, ‘That’s Your Opinion’ finally hit shelves? How about Pacman Jones’ ‘Gobbled Up?’ Mark McGwire’s ‘A Book About the Future?’ – Speaking of writing, I just found out Rick Reilly co-wrote the movie ‘Leatherheads,’ which explains why everybody I know who saw it said it wasn’t as good as they thought it’d be. – I do like Reilly’s ‘Go Fish’ features on ESPN.com, though, where he just posts little nuggets of information that are too short to be a whole column. It’s kind of like what I do here, except he actually reports new and interesting things. One of which was a bit where he mentions that Tyler Hansbrough freestyle raps. I liked that because it told me there’s at least one person in the world I could probably beat in a rap battle. – My record in rap battles: 0-1. – Hey, let’s see who made this week’s rankings! (First place votes): 1. Lloyd Christmas (1) ‘- Man you are one pathetic loser! No offense. 2. SI’s Super Bowl ‘Separated at Birth’ feature ‘- Mike Tomlin and Omar Epps was obvious, but Larry Fitz and Ronaldinho? Uncanny! 3. Terrible Towel ‘- Appearing in the Bahamas, Mongolia and now in this column. 4. Access Hollywood ‘- Don’t judge me. 5. Old school Tecmo Super Bowl ‘- You take your Bo Jackson, give me Roger Craig and the 49ers, and I’ll go deep to Jerry Rice on you all day. Dropped from the rankings: Larry Fitz (Sorry pal, I’ll root for you every day in 2009 except one.) – So in the saw-this-coming-a-long-time-ago department, David Beckham says he wants to stay with AC Milan instead of returning to MLS and the LA Galaxy. I mean, can you blame the guy? Say you’re the biggest baseball star in the Frontier League and the Dodgers call you up and say they want to sign you for the playoff push. Then after the season they say they want to keep you around. Would you say, ‘Thanks, Dodgers, but the fans in Evansville, Ill., and the Frontier League are really counting on me. I’m going to keep my promise to take Frontier League baseball to the next level?’ – The other day, ESPN.com had a poll that asked what the outcome of the coin toss in the Super Bowl would be. Jerome Bettis reportedly called, confused that there were only two choices. – Thank you winter, that’ll be enough. ‘ ‘ ‘ E-mail Pat at pmitsch@gmail.com