American Idol: New judge, same lack of talent

The epic reality show ‘American Idol’ is back for its eighth season, and this year there are… The epic reality show ‘American Idol’ is back for its eighth season, and this year there are some changes. There is a new judge on the panel. Kara DioGuardi will join Simon, Randy and Paula in critiquing the singers’ talent — or lack thereof.

The auditions begin tonight at 8 on FOX, and this is the chance for America to get a glimpse of what’s to come in the new season.

It’s the first look at the great talent of American amateurs who have struggled all their lives to achieve their dream of becoming … OK, who am I kidding? Nobody watches the auditions for the good singers. They watch for the William Hungs.

If there’s one thing that TV-watching Americans love, it’s train wrecks.

This year viewers get to see the worst singers from eight different cities — East Rutherford, N.J., Jacksonville, Fla., Kansas City, Louisville, Phoenix, Salt Lake City, San Francisco and San Juan, Puerto Rico. Sure, some of the good singers appear in the audition phase — but that is just so viewers’ ears don’t start bleeding from an excess of screeching.

The producers are treating audiences to nine full hours of auditions — the first seven episodes — which ensure at least 90 train wrecks. Happy New Year, America.

Not only will there be hilariously disastrous auditions, but by adding DioGuardi as a judge, the producers have virtually guaranteed hysterical bickering among the judges. With the panel now at the even number of four, there are bound to be ties. Guess who gets to cast the deciding vote?

Yep, Simon Cowell.

‘There’s been a few arguments along the way, particularly from the girls when they can’t get their own way,’ he said. ‘There was one particular girl — you’ll see her on the show — who came in in a bikini. I mean, the second she walked in it was a ‘yes’ from us guys and a categorical ‘no’ from the girls. Luckily, I had the casting vote, and you’ll see her again.’

This means Paula will argue with Simon even more now that she has another woman on her side.

‘You have two girls ganging up on you,’ said Cowell. ‘One is hard enough, but two is unbearable.’

The judging panel isn’t the only thing going through a makeover. The format of the competition will also be revised.

During the past four seasons, there were 24 semifinalists: 12 boys and 12 girls. Each one performed, and a few were eliminated every week until they reached the final field of 12. This season, there will be 36 semifinalists (who will be announced at the conclusion of the Feb. 11 episode), and they will be split into three groups of 12. Each week one group will perform, and three contestants will advance to the finals. After viewers chooses nine finalists, the judges will choose 12 wild-card contestants to perform. The judges will then select the last three finalists.

The reason for going back to this format, said Cowell, was because some audiences became bored after watching the same contestants perform every week for three months.

But let’s be honest, not many people are too concerned with the finals or the semifinals right now. America just loves watching people make fools of themselves on national television.

‘I think that this show could continue for another 10, 20 years, to be honest with you,’ he said.