Jack Bauer makes an explosive return to primetime this Sunday

‘ ‘ ‘ Oh no. There’s a red clock on the TV counting the seconds with annoying beeps …… ‘ ‘ ‘ Oh no. There’s a red clock on the TV counting the seconds with annoying beeps … 3:05:23, 3:05:24, 3:05:25. It can only mean one thing: Jack Bauer is back from the writer’s strike and ready to kick some terrorist buttocks. ‘ ‘ ‘ ’24: Redemption’ is nothing more than an extended regular episode, something that the writers created during the writer’s strike because they were getting bored of Sudoku and Rock Band. The story is quite absurd and predictable: Jack needs to safely transport the students of the school to the U.S. embassy to be flown off to safety (with dramatic music). ‘ ‘ ‘ But Jack is about to face the most vile and despicable enemy on the face of the planet: a Senate sub-committee requesting his presence in Washington to testify for all 185 people he killed and the countless he tortured. Looks like all that going against the books is finally catching some sweet Congressional attention. ‘ ‘ ‘ In the special two-hour television movie ’24: Redemption,’ we find Jack hiding from his subpoena in a South African school where a major coup/genocide is brewing. Thank God South Africa is housing the one and only Jack Bauer. ‘ ‘ ‘ Then meet Jack Bauer’s second enemy: South African child soldiers, making it a little more difficult, because even for Jack Bauer, killing kids with miscellaneous gunfire and explosions is a little dirty. ‘ ‘ ‘ However, that doesn’t stop Jack from taking out an entire squad of adult South African soldiers with only two handguns and four sticks of dynamite. The actions scenes in ’24: Redemption’ are fun. It is male-driven, testosterone-powered, bullet-happy chaos. ‘ ‘ ‘ If anything, ’24: Redemption’ isn’t any better than other 24 episodes because that’s the only main action sequence in the entire show. When it’s all said and done, I’m just begging for some more Jack Bauer patented violence. ‘ ‘ ‘ ’24: Redemption’ is dragging its feet in the mud. New characters are introduced, while the audience is steered to see Jack in a more philosophical and humane light. There’s so much humanity, that I even considered reading a book at one point. ‘ ‘ ‘ Viewers don’t turn on 24 to watch Jack’s intelligent and wise personality, They want to see a helicopter exploding and killing some corrupt political figure, expelling the remnants of a top-secret document into the ocean, which then explodes, followed by seven-to-10 random explosions in various locations through the use of split-screen camera shots. Then the oceans turn into lava, and the shit just hits the fan. ‘ ‘ ‘ Perhaps it would be more appropriate to’ rename ’24: Redemption,’ as ’24: Transition.’ It looks like the writer’s wanted to start the seventh season off in a different direction, with a different cast, but didn’t know how to get there from the end of last season (Jack staring off into the ocean, regular ocean, mind you, not the lava ocean, with doubt in his eyes and thought in his mind … but no automatic rifles in his hands). ‘ ‘ ‘ Get used to some new faces. Cherry Jones plays President-elect Allison Taylor (Only if Hillary ran for president in Jack Bauer’s universe), a strong, intelligent face full of some sort of plastic surgery to make it look like her face is stretched back to infinity. ‘ ‘ ‘ Robert Carlyle (28 Weeks Later, The Full Monty) is Carl Benton, the director of the South African school and Jack’s military mentor and friend. ‘ ‘ ‘ Tony Todd (Final Destination) and Hakeem Kae-Kazim (Hotel Rwanda) play General Benjamin Juma and Colonel Ike Dubaku, the leaders of the child soldiers and the South African rebellion, and the two South Africans that Jack Bauer is destined to beat the crap out of. ‘ ‘ ‘ If you’ve watched the show for years, there’s no reason you shouldn’t watch the TV movie, but be wary of Season 7, Jack Bauer … an hour of unadulterated violence might turn into an hour of gentle contemplation of life and morals if someone doesn’t get him six pistols, five shotguns, eighteen grenades and a case of C4 immediately. ‘ ‘ ‘ And lava oceans.