Don’t blow it, my fellow nerds

‘ ‘ ‘ Put on your Gryffindor colors and polish your 20-sided die ‘mdash; Hollywood has gone to… ‘ ‘ ‘ Put on your Gryffindor colors and polish your 20-sided die ‘mdash; Hollywood has gone to the nerds. ‘ ‘ ‘ This weekend delivered previews for film versions of the most celebrated graphic novel of all time, the most popular fantasy series of all time and the most popular sci-fi franchise of all time. Three new celluloid samplings to watch frame-by-frame in hi-definition from the comfort of your mom’s basement ‘mdash; I haven’t been this excited since that one time I almost lost my virginity. ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘Watchmen,’ ‘Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince’ and ‘Star Trek’ don’t hit theaters until next year ‘mdash; thanks to the Internet, though, you can watch three minutes of carefully spliced footage from each one to help pass the time. And thanks to the legions of feuding fanboys and apologists online, you can know right now if any of these movies will be good based solely on the previews. ‘ ‘ ‘ Ah, nerds ‘mdash; both the best and worst thing about modern mainstream movies. Sure, movies like the ‘Harry Potter’ series or this summer’s slew of comic book adaptations attract awkward social neophytes in massive, pasty droves. Sure, their fandom effectively pumps millions of dollars into the industry. But let’s be real here ‘mdash; they’re still annoying. ‘ ‘ ‘ It happens every time a sacred cow of geekdom is even slightly desecrated: The nerds gather and multiply like tribbles, albeit significantly less cute. Whether Mr. Spock’s ears are too pointy or Harry Potter says a line that wasn’t in the book, fanboy nerds fume over even the most inconsequential details. And because a nerd is, by definition, an expert in his chosen field of dorkery, you’d better prepare to hear about why that cool-looking movie you want to see will be totally lame. ‘ ‘ ‘ Nerds, listen. This is why we got beaten up in junior high. Don’t get me wrong ‘mdash; I was heartbroken to learn that nobody offers a master’s or PhD program in action-figure collecting, but our nitpicky opinions matter only to ourselves. ‘ ‘ ‘ Yes, the real world is a cruel, unforgiving place that stuffs us in lockers and takes our lunch money. ‘ ‘ ‘ No, most emotionally stable people won’t care if you could’ve done a better job casting ‘Watchmen.’ Because sense of superiority aside, you’re not fooling anyone ‘mdash; you love this stuff, all of it, and you’ll be there opening night. ‘ ‘ ‘ It’s why we attend conventions or make that ‘woosh’ noise every time we swing a toy lightsaber ‘mdash; unconditional love for our favorite geek icons rules all. Of course Harry Potter’s hair is magically shaggy in the books, but face it, ‘Order of the Phoenix’ didn’t suffer just because Daniel Radcliffe wore a crew cut. And sure, sometimes Hollywood screws up and you cringe through ‘Spider-Man 3’ or ‘Daredevil’ ‘mdash; but you know you watched them both a second time anyway, just to be sure. ‘ ‘ ‘ After the success of ‘The Dark Knight’ and ‘Iron Man,’ Hollywood is openly embracing geekdom. ‘ ‘ ‘ But if comic books and sci-fi might suddenly become cool, it’s every nerd’s responsibility to not reveal the depths of our personal obsessions. ‘ ‘ ‘ No movie will ever be exactly the way you always hoped and dreamed, but you’re not fooling anyone by spouting off that your childhood memories are forever tainted because the USS Enterprise looks marginally different than it did in the ’60s. You’re not impressing anyone, either. ‘ ‘ ‘ So nerds, don’t screw this up for us. With the hype machines for these major releases gearing up, we must now, more than ever, show a little solidarity. All these movies will be imperfect in some way, but most things are ‘mdash; we just have to be supportive of the popularization of our subculture. It’s our sacred duty now to strap on our phasers, draw lightning bolts on our foreheads and represent.