Young fans: Don’t get attached to team until 13

‘ ‘ ‘ It’s supposed to be all about the kids, right? ‘ ‘ ‘ So, in the spirit of politics and… ‘ ‘ ‘ It’s supposed to be all about the kids, right? ‘ ‘ ‘ So, in the spirit of politics and democracy and campaigns bent on persuasion and all that goodness, I would like to make a pitch (So would Barry Zito! Hahaha!). ‘ ‘ ‘ Now, I’m proposing that there should be an age limit levied on serious sports fandom, like a height limit on a roller coaster. You have to be a certain height to ride something potentially dangerous, and you should have to be of a certain maturity level to commit to a sports team. ‘ ‘ ‘ Here’s why: During the final minutes in regulation and through all four overtimes of Pitt’s epic triumph over Notre Dame last week, a young Notre Dame fan, distraught and out of breath, paced back and forth, continually pleading for God to help Notre Dame win. ‘ ‘ ‘ Now, 60-year-old Irish fans probably do this, but to put that kind of internal stress on an impressionable youth isn’t just, regardless of whether or not he’s doing it to himself. To him and many, many other young sports fans across the nation (in the Midwest, especially), the earth will stop revolving and the sun will not come up tomorrow if their team doesn’t win. ‘ ‘ ‘ I’m speaking on behalf of my lasting wounds from growing up a Pitt fan in the ’90s. Hey, when I was a tyke, I cried uncontrollably when my teams lost. This continued well throughout my teen years. I’m very ashamed to admit it, but you can see the extent of the lasting damage it can cause. ‘ ‘ ‘ I’m not sure how I came out of it, or if I even have, for that matter. But I want to help save the children. ‘ ‘ ‘ My suggestion? Don’t pick a team to live and die with (you know, figuratively speaking), until the age of 13. Until then, root for the team that wins. Look at a young me, again, for another example. When I soon discovered that I didn’t like watching Pitt lose to Miami, 55-6, and long after the novelty of the air-horn guy with the different masks at Pitt Stadium wore off, I jumped around favorite teams more than House of Pain. ‘ ‘ ‘ I owned a Starter Notre Dame pullover when I, for some reason, thought Derrick Mayes was the greatest wide receiver ever. I had a bright orange Tennessee windbreaker when Peyton Manning captained the Vols and wore it proudly the next year when Tee Martin led them to a national title. I even rooted for Florida State in the Warrick Dunn days, which is partly the reason he’s on my fantasy team this year. I’ve always thought I like the Yankees today because I loved New York City the first time I visited when I was 8. But then again, why am I not a Mets fan? ‘ ‘ ‘ I’m not a Mets fan because, like a hopeless gambler, I needed winners. Everybody wants one, but the kids need one. They have their whole adult lives for loyalty and disappointment, so let them jump happily around from winner to winner before the axe falls at 13. ‘ ‘ ‘ This young Notre Dame fan did that. As Dave Wannstedt lumbered through the bowels of Notre Dame Stadium after Pitt halted the earth, he was introduced to Wannstedt, who happily obliged. The young boy beamed as he shook his hand. Enjoy it, pal. Actually … ‘mdash; I’d like to address this whole ‘bandwagon’ fan idea, while we’re at it. I hate how fans who root for teams when they start doing well are slapped by many with the bandwagon label, like they’re unwanted freeloaders. Well, teams probably love bandwagon fans. Would the Penguins be selling out if they still sucked? Imagine Sidney Crosby wondering why Mellon Arena was still empty during the Stanley Cup Playoffs. Would the Rays have any fans at all? If only die-hards were allowed to root for teams and attend games, sports would be out of business. The majority of sports fans have some level of bandwagon in them, because nobody wants to cheer for a team that sucks. ‘mdash; Speaking of which, the Browns are going with Brady Quinn as their new quarterback, singlehandedly saving EAS from bankruptcy. ‘mdash; Also, Romeo Crennel says it was his decision to start Quinn over Derek Anderson, not the Cleveland fans’. That’s because the only good decision a Cleveland fan can make is to move. Not that I’m calling starting Quinn a good decision. I’m not. Just, you know, enjoy the humor. ‘mdash; This week’s Heisman Trophy dark horse: Conor Lee. Normally, winning the Heisman Trophy makes a legend, but what if a legend wins the Heisman? Would the trophy explode? Would the world? ‘mdash; Somebody get me a Byron Leftwich jersey! ‘mdash; The award for Best Commercial Ever goes to the Heidi Klum Guitar Hero commercial. I don’t want to hear anything else. ‘mdash; Except this: Yes! We! Can! Can you? E-mail Pat at pmitsch@gmail.com.