Dear Annie…

‘ ‘ ‘ Relationships can suck ‘mdash; I believe that to be a universal truth. But it doesn’t… ‘ ‘ ‘ Relationships can suck ‘mdash; I believe that to be a universal truth. But it doesn’t mean they aren’t worth it. Recently I had a conversation with a friend and was surprised to find that he agreed with me that love is not enough. It’s not often that two people can agree on something that is the complete opposite of what the majority of people believe. We also came to the conclusion that life and relationships would be easy if love were enough. ‘ ‘ ‘ I think we can all agree that ‘The World is Not Enough’ ‘mdash; Pierce Brosnan taught us that ‘mdash; but not many people can agree that love, the catch-all and cure-all for our lives, is not enough. ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘Enough of what?’ any critical reader may ask. Enough of anything, my dear friend. It is not enough of anything. ‘ ‘ ‘ My God! Not enough? Love, the only thing needed for a happily ever after to rival Cinderella’s, isn’t enough? Love, the four-letter word printed on so many stamps and scribbled next to hearts in little girls’ notebooks, the symbol that all can have a someone to call their own, a reason for hope, restless nights, poems, songs, the cause of so much drama and so many Feb. 14 weddings, the light at the end of the tunnel, the reason people cry without restraint is not enough? ‘ ‘ ‘ Love is great, don’t get me wrong. There is nothing better than feeling an all-consuming passion under a starry sky on a dark, hot night, but that feeling won’t help you when you’re cohabitating with your significant other of three years and he keeps leaving the milk out on the counter and never rinses his dishes and thinks that folding clothes is too time consuming. ‘ ‘ ‘ Patience, as in all relationships, is pivotal, perhaps more than pivotal ‘mdash; super-duper necessary, if you will. ‘ ‘ ‘ Something that goes along with patience, something that most women are awful at, is treating each situation as though it were something new. ‘ ‘ ‘ That one time when that one girl sent him that one text message at 3 a.m. is not a valid reason not to trust some other text from some other girl at 3 p.m. about an exam. All situations are distinct. ‘ ‘ ‘ Trust, unequivocal trust. Understanding. Honest. Caring. Lust ‘mdash; yes, even lust ‘mdash; is necessary to carry on a stable healthy relationship. If you don’t want to randomly passionately kiss your lover and see where the spontaneous romance takes you, then you may be in some trouble. ‘ ‘ ‘ Relationships die when they become stagnant, and some people just get bored with each other after a while. ‘ ‘ ‘ Really, it’s no one’s fault, but love is simply not enough. Interest, passion, fun ‘mdash; so much more than love is needed. ‘ ‘ ‘ Love is integral, don’t think that I would ever belittle love, but love is simply not all it’s represented to be. ‘ ‘ ‘ What would have happened if Cinderella had found Prince Charming to be a smoker and was repulsed by him? ‘ ‘ ‘ What if Sleeping Beauty had some funky morning breath and the prince couldn’t get her to use some Listerine? ‘ ‘ ‘ What would have happened if the Beast had eaten Belle when she talked back to him? ‘ ‘ ‘ Compromise is another key. You don’t get to your 25th wedding anniversary without a little give and take. ‘ ‘ ‘ Relationships are hard work. They are a lot more work than most people realize. Being in a relationship for two years, one month and three days, through moving away and the transition into college and all the ups and down you can imagine, the only advice I can offer anyone is that if you’re willing to give it all, then you can get everything you ever hoped for. All the Cinderella stuff: the carriage, the beautiful dress, the Prince. And for the Prince, you can have the beautiful girl of your dreams, be everything she ever needed and always have someone to make you feel better after a hard day. ‘ ‘ ‘ Relationships are great fun, but love is not all you need to make them work. ‘ ‘ ‘ You have to give it all to get it all. Need advice? E-mail Annie at dearannie@pittnews.com.