Reebok, please wake up

Anyone who watched the Cincinnati Bengals play the Baltimore Ravens on Sunday saw a nameless… Anyone who watched the Cincinnati Bengals play the Baltimore Ravens on Sunday saw a nameless man. Well, not totally nameless. Apparently he used to go by Chad Johnson. But during the offseason, the Bengals’ receiver, who wears No. 85, legally changed his last name to Ocho Cinco, a nickname he gave himself. Before a game against the Atlanta Falcons on Oct. 29, 2006, the receiver formally known as Johnson wore a Velcro nameplate that read ‘Ocho Cinco’ over his name on the back of his jersey. Before the game, a teammate took it off and revealed his then actual last name. The NFL fined him $5,000 for having a personality, or as the league put it, for altering his jersey. Clearly, the next logical step was to change his name legally to Ocho Cinco. League officials announced the name-change was to be recognized and that Ocho Cinco could suit up under his proper birth-given, well, his name. If you were to look up his name online, he was addressed as Ocho Cinco for the most part. Most articles about the change still mentioned his old name. But player profiles on sites such as Yahoo! had him listed only as Ocho Cinco. Yet one group wasn’t enjoying the name change: Reebok. Instead of the sounds of children laughing and harps playing, like we all heard when reading Ocho Cinco, Reebok heard the sounds of a cash register closing, a check being ripped up and a credit card being cut into one-sixteenths with scissors (because that’s the only safe way to cut up a credit card). NFL spokesman Greg Aiello told the Associated Press that Ocho Cinco has a ‘financial obligation to Reebok, which produces the jerseys available to fans. That has to be resolved before the on-field jersey can be changed.” ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ That’s right, Reebok just became the person on your floor who asks you turn down your radio even though it’s not quiet hours and about 10 people are just hanging around, rocking out to some Neil Diamond. NFL commissioner Roger Goodell weighed in on the issue, further explaining the reasoning (cha-ching!) behind Reebok’s decision. ‘There’s what I call a more administrative issue that has to be dealt with,’ said Goodell to the AP. ‘There’s a large inventory of jerseys that are out there with 85 Johnson. Any player that changes a number or changes his name has to address that so that our licensing is not stuck with a large inventory.’ Of course, who doesn’t want to have a lot of something you can’t sell for more than $70? Now, perhaps the NFL isn’t aware of this, but there are these things called ‘clearance racks’ that many stores have. Here’s how they work: A store puts clothes on these racks because the clothes are, for one reason or another, ‘out of style.’ And they sell the clothes for less money. If someone wanted to support his team but didn’t want to spend a good deal of money and didn’t mind wearing something that might not be considered new, this is a perfectly viable option for purchasing merchandise. Plus, it’s not exactly like a jersey with Johnson on it is so old. He’s still wearing the same number, obviously. Some duck tape and a Sharpie could quickly update a Johnson jersey. But if the NFL didn’t want to sell its merchandise for cheaper prices, there’s always another route to take: Donate it. There are plenty of people not only in the country, but worldwide, who could not care less what name is on a jersey, but merely would appreciate some clothing. Why not send the jerseys to children in Nicaragua? It’s a win-win. The NFL might look like a caring giant, if just for a little while, and possibly poor children get clothes. Honestly, you can’t expect them to wear their shirts commemorating the Patriots’ 19-0 2007-08 season every day, can you? Reebok is clearly missing something here. When Michael Jordan unretired in 1995 and came back as No. 45, he singlehandedly boosted sales of NBA merchandising, which had been in a bit of a rut since he retired. More recently, Kobe Bryant switched his number from 8 to 24, and within a year he had the most popular selling jersey in the NBA. This was also after he went through legal issues and his popularity waned a bit. So by not allowing Ocho Cinco to use his new real name on jerseys, Reebok is missing out on a sure-to-be jersey-buying frenzy. And it’s also costing Ocho Cinco some money, as players do see a portion of their jersey sales, but clearly that’s not why Ocho Cinco changed his name. He did it for the spectacle. When Ocho Cinco is finally allowed to wear his rightful name on his jersey, I want to see him go all out for his entrance. I want him to have pyrotechnics, awesome music and to descend from a helicopter onto the field. Basically, I want him to be WCW-era Sting. Thanks to Reebok, we don’t know how long that will take. But if they know what’s best for them, or could be best for them financially, they won’t make us wait too long. Then we can allow the memory of this Chad Johnson to burn in our minds, only to emerge from its ashes as the ball-catching, headline-making phoenix known as Chad Ocho Cinco.