Give appendixes, save Houdini

Too often, we phrase the organ donation issue as a question of what will happen to your corpse… Too often, we phrase the organ donation issue as a question of what will happen to your corpse after you die. It’s good to remind ourselves that it doesn’t matter what happens to our organs then, and therefore we should be willing to donate our livers and eyeballs and hearts and such. However, we forget that there are several organs we can donate long before our time comes, and just in time for someone who needs them. Without one of these organs, we can continue living as usual, and that someone else may continue living at all. A good example is the appendix. Seven to eight percent of Americans get appendicitis at one point in their lives. The appendix becomes infected and swells up, filling with poisons and bacteria. After a point, the appendix bursts and fills the torso with its dangerous cargo, killing the torso and maybe the patient. Houdini outwitted treasure chests beneath rivers. He broke free of chains. But he couldn’t escape appendicitis. That’s why doctors nicknamed appendicitis ‘the silent treasure chest under a river’ and ‘the chain not even Harry Houdini could break free of.’ In a sense, we all have Houdini’s blood on our hands. Where were you when you heard about Houdini? What did you do to stop it? We can wring our bloody hands all we want, Americans, but the fact is there was something very easy almost every single one of us could have done. Appendix donation. Houdini’s problem was that his appendix blew up. But all he really needed to save his life was something to contain his appendix that could block the chemical shrapnel from its solute supernova … something tough but organic that the body might not reject. And appendix-shaped, to boot. Another appendix, for example. Do you get where I’m going with this? I’m talking, of course, about your appendix. The one that could have saved Houdini. The one you killed Houdini with, by not donating it to Houdini. If you’ve got appendicitis, just try buying affordable health insurance. Impossible. For one thing, insurance companies won’t cover someone who desperately needs a $20,000 surgery for less than $20,001. For another thing, appendicitis itself can make sufferers reluctant to undertake the process necessary to buy health insurance because they’re afraid of talking frankly with others about their racked vomiting and oncoming death. Whenever I speak about appendix donation ‘mdash; whether in’ hallways or public rest rooms or forests ‘mdash; people always try to escape their responsibility for their fellow human beings. ‘You don’t need an appendix,’ they charge. A fact about the appendix that critics like to forget, though, is that you don’t even need your appendix. Why not donate it? One in 20 Americans do not have an appendix. What will they do if they get appendicitis? And another 19 in 20 Americans have just one appendix left. Some people shy away from the surgery involved. But every year, hundreds of thousands of Americans get their appendixes removed with no complications. And appendix removal is progressing. Doctors in Argentina recently engineered a way to take a woman’s appendix out through her vagina. Clearly, this isn’t your father’s appendectomy anymore. Fortunately, stigma surrounding appendicitis is vanishing as well. More and more people feel comfortable saying to their doctors, ‘I feel like something in my torso, there on the right, is about to blow the hell up. And I’m strong enough to let you help me.’ With better diagnosis, however, the number of needy recipients for an appendix transplant grows. You’re probably wondering, ‘How do you know so much about appendixes, Lewis?’ Well, even though I’m a fairly venerable media figure, I don’t mind making it public: I had my appendix removed. I went with the traditional procedure after my doctor advised me that there was an urgent need for my appendix to be removed within an hour. When I asked the doctors afterward about the possibility of donating my appendix, they told me it turned out that my appendix was right about to blow up when they took it out. Obviously, such a sorry appendix is no candidate for donation, but my experience just goes to show how the life you save could be your own. My advice to you: Get rid of the gastral hand grenade that is your appendix ASAP, and give it to someone who needs it! Ever since my appendectomy, every time I take off my shirt, I’m faced with an awesome scar. It serves as a painful reminder of just how cool you can look after getting your appendix taken out. And for that, I carry on, fighting for an appendix-free America. E-mail Lewis at ljl10@pitt.edu for suggestions on how, when and where to donate your unneeded organs.