A summer packed with trades, hot dogs and Favre

The summer is a time to spend every moment frontin’ and maxin’ and chillin’ in a car you most… The summer is a time to spend every moment frontin’ and maxin’ and chillin’ in a car you most likely spend all day waxin’. And while those might be lyrics from ‘Summertime’ by DJ Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince, it doesn’t mean that they’re not true.

But besides that, there were plenty of great moments in sports over the summer, and what better way to recount them than with a sports summer recap? The Boston Celtics became the most popular team in the NBA after their legions of fans faithfully followed them as they completed the biggest turnaround in wins from one season to another and won the NBA Championship.

It’s been reported that pink Paul Pierce jersey sales are through the roof, and shooting of a new Farrelly brothers movie about the season, starring Dane Cook, is set to finish later this month.

Breaking news! From his home in Mississippi, Brett Favre attempted to throw a crumpled up piece of paper in the garbage, but his dog intercepted it in the process. Favre stood there smiling and shaking his head, while his family commented on how much fun he has while lounging around the house.

The Detroit Red Wings defeated the Pittsburgh Penguins in the Stanley Cup Finals in five games. They then signed former Penguin Marian Hossa in the offseason, as hotels around the city are anxiously awaiting his room service order in hopes of giving him food poisoning.

Rafael Nadal beat Roger Federer in the finals of both the French Open and Wimbledon, where the two played an epic five-set match. Federer has said he’s a little less disappointed now about losing to Nadal because he just realized over the summer that the silky, brown-haired attractive person in capri pants that he keeps losing to is, in fact, male.

Breaking news! Brett Favre ordered a turkey club at a deli with such youthful exuberance that when he ordered a beer to go with it, the waiter carded him.

Joey Chestnut showed all people the definition of a true American by capturing his second consecutive Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest on July 4. He defeated Japan’s Takeru Kobayashi in a dog-off, an overtime period where the first to eat five hot dogs wins. It has been reported that the United States is thinking of putting Chestnut on the nickel. Sorry, Thomas Jefferson.

Tim Donaghy was reassigned to start fixing basketball games in the yard of a prison for the next 15 months.

Breaking news! Brett Favre was overheard telling friends how much he enjoyed the comedy of Larry the Cable Guy.

The MLB trading deadline lived up to its hype as Manny Ramirez, C.C. Sabathia, Rich Harden, Jason Bay, Mark Teixeira and Ivan Rodriguez were all traded. The Boston Red Sox finally rid themselves of the utterly horrible person that is Ramirez, whose antics were laughed at and encouraged for years as he helped the team win its first two World Series titles in more than 80 years. The Los Angeles Dodgers are reportedly working on a Batcave-like area under left field for Ramirez to recharge the batteries on his iPod during pitching changes.

The Pittsburgh Pirates traded right fielder Xavier Nady and pitcher Damaso Marte to the Yankees in return for four minor league players. They then traded Bay to the Red Sox in a three-team trade to send Ramirez to the Dodgers. They also received four minor league players in that deal, including highly touted third baseman Andy LaRoche, brother of Pirates’ first baseman Adam.

The two are said to be waiting for one of the Molina brothers to retire so they can refer to themselves as the Jonas Brothers of baseball. They plan on getting Nate McLouth to change his last name to complete the trinity.

Breaking news! Brett Favre just parallel parked his car without hitting the curb.

Every other professional sports league finally accepted the WNBA as one of its own after the league dealt with its first fight in history.

The fight was between rookie Candace Parker, of the Los Angeles Sparks, and the Detroit Shock’s Cheryl Ford.

David Stern already announced a rematch to take place at halftime of the NBA All-Star game this year, but has been mum on details concerning what kind of liquid substance the fight will take place in.

Breaking news! Brett Favre is in talks with his wife to clean the garage and drive the kids to soccer practice.

Because this column was written before the Olympics began, I thought I’d give you some Olympic madlibs to fill out.

The U.S. men’s basketball team (disappointed/rose to the top) once again this summer. Led by Kobe Bryant and (name of another player), the U.S. team won (nothing/bronze/silver/gold) and, in the process, reassured everyone that the state of basketball in America is (just fine/plummeting).

Overcoming (insert illness or other shortcoming), (insert country of athlete)’s (athlete’s name) to take everyone by surprise and finish (insert place) in the (sport and event). His/Her press conference after the feat brought everyone in the room to tears.