Age works against Indy

“Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull” Starring: Harrison Ford, Shia LaBeouf and Cate Blanchett Directed by Steven Spielberg Paramount Pictures / Lucasfilm

C+

He’s got the whip and the fedora. Harrison Ford even has the charisma to reprise his role of Indiana Jones. But nothing else in “Kingdom of the Crystal Skull” manages to ignite on the screen as the original “Indiana Jones” trilogy did.

Certainly there is enough action in Steven Spielberg’s latest over-stuffed thrill ride to give the film a pulse. Indy swings from his whip, punches Communists, escapes capture from Area 51 and survives a nuclear blast in the desert – all in the first sequence.

Unfortunately, the rest of the film is more of the same, only less thrilling. After returning from the desert, Indy finds he’s been fired from his university and is suspected of having ties to the Soviets by the government. The Red Scare themes are typically mild Spielberg cliches with Patriot Act overtones.

As these political jabs quickly fizzle out and amount to nothing, they serve as the best use of foreshadowing in “Crystal Skull.” Spielberg attempts to build the same mystery and awe he produced in the other Indy films, but he apparently spent too much creating dazzling effects and stunts with minimal CGI.

The sparse scenes of drama feel like bittersweet anecdotes by the end of the film. Ford and Shia LaBeouf – a 1950s rebel with a cause – are enjoyable together in their few scenes of dialogue when they aren’t being chased on motorcycles or amphibious vehicles.

Likewise, Cate Blanchett as a Soviet officer and Karen Allen’s return as Marion Ravenwood seem promising, but both actresses’ talents go unused.

Instead, everything gets lost in the Amazon forest as Indy and Mutt (LaBeouf) rescue Mary from the Soviets and spend an hour and a half chasing each other. While it may get your heart racing and keep your attention, by the end it’s as if the film itself were out of breath, and not the 65-year-old Ford.

There are man-eating ants, monkey attacks and huge waterfalls to survive that all work classically with the gags and feats we love to see Indy get into and out of. “Crystal Skull” lacks the tender romance scenes, religious awe and earnest sentimentalism of the originals. Overall, it’s a thrill ride without a sense of adventure.

While there’s nothing inherently wrong with mindless summer blockbusters, “Crystal Skull” is practically a disgrace to a script that was reportedly 10 years in the making. Writer David Koepp claims to have taken the best parts from several drafts, and producer George Lucas rejected multiple versions until he found one he thought could work. The most baffling thing about “The Kingdom of the Crystal Skull” is that this paranormal plot is the best the Spielberg/Lucas team could dream up.

Indiana Jones didn’t manage to remain in the hearts and minds of movie fans for more than 25 years because of fancy stunt work. There was a heart and enigmatic quality to Indiana Jones that captured the minds of movie-goers. That’s something you won’t find in “Crystal Skull.”