April Fools’: Youuuuu cranked that Soulja Boy, got him good

Rapper Soulja Boy Tell’em swallowed a significant amount of arsenic inside a South Oakland… Rapper Soulja Boy Tell’em swallowed a significant amount of arsenic inside a South Oakland apartment on Saturday evening, and it didn’t take long for Pitt police to declare his death homicide and find the killer.

Upon hearing of the murder, many students knew exactly who the killer was. Youuuuu.

Chase Youuuuu is a sophomore music major, and sources close to Youuuuu say he developed a hatred for Soulja Boy because of the rapper’s chart-topping single “Crank Dat (Soulja Boy).” “Youuuuu loathed Soulja Boy ever since that song came out,” April Showers, Pitt sophomore meteorology major and a long time friend of Youuuuu, said.

“Everyone would point at Youuuuu when Soulja Boy sang his name.”

The Pitt News spoke briefly with Youuuuu as he stepped into a police car outside his home on Sunday after confessing to investigators.

“That song ruined my life,” Youuuuu said. “Every time my friends saw me they would say ‘Youuuuu, crank dat Soulja Boy.’ It sort of became my nickname, and, I mean, it’s a ridiculously long nickname.”

“It made me so furious, I decided to crank Soulja Boy’s esophagus instead of cranking that stupid song,” Youuuuu said.

Showers wasn’t surprised at Youuuuu’s lashing out.

“I have always considered Youuuuu to be a harmless person, but ever since that song came out, you could see the rage just building in him every day,” she said.

Soulja Boy was in Oakland on Saturday to make a surprise appearance at the Lupe Fiasco concert at Fitzgerald Field House.

Apparently, a friend working for the Pitt Program Council informed Youuuuu that Soulja Boy was in town.

“Youuuuu must have kidnapped Soulja Boy before the concert began,” Pitt police investigator Howie Diddot said.

Soulja Boy became an overnight sensation when his single “Crank That” hit the airwaves over the summer.

He became an even bigger star when the video was released. It featured Soulja Boy performing a dance to the song, and many college students quickly learned the steps.

These dancing fans were shaken when news of the rap star’s death surfaced, especially considering the great contribution Soulja Boy’s songs have made to the party atmosphere. May Flowers, a freshman herbology major, was a huge fan of Soulja Boy and was especially angry to hear of the song artist’s death.

“If I ever see Youuuuu, I will superman that ho!” Flowers exclaimed. Pitt junior Bill D. Board, an advertising major, also vented his anger at Youuuuu. “I hooked up with numerous girls because they were impressed at how well I knew the dance to that song,” he said.

“Now, there won’t be any more of his songs for me to learn. This is going to kill my social life.” Richard Cranium, a psychology professor at Pitt, claims that Youuuuu’s actions can be explained psychologically. “When one’s name is degraded and made fun of, there is bound to be a backlash at the person who is responsible,” Cranium explained. “And when Soulja Boy showed up in his neighborhood, Youuuuu would have done anything possible to avenge his name.”

Soulja Boy is survived by his wife, Ivana, and two children, Isaac and Anita.