April Fools’: Last college-aged Clinton

An unthinkable tragedy befell presidential candidate Sen. Hillary Clinton’s biggest fan on… An unthinkable tragedy befell presidential candidate Sen. Hillary Clinton’s biggest fan on Friday in the midst of the tornado of Obamania that briefly passed through Oakland.

Helmut D. MacCade, 21, formally withdrew his support from the Clinton campaign as he collapsed into a lifeless heap at the rally for Clinton’s Democratic presidential opponent Sen. Barack Obama on Friday morning.

Medics responded to the scene and concluded that the young man had “expired from cardiac arrest induced by extreme enthusiasm.” One said, “there’s nothing we could have done to help the poor fellow, my boy O has that effect on people some times.”

MacCade had waited in line for hours at the Clinton rally held at the same venue just days before, but no amount of anticipation matched his excitement Friday.

He had originally planned to attend the Obama rally as a protester for Clinton outside Soldiers ‘ Sailors memorial, but the hullabaloo of the Obama event sucked him in.

A middle-aged woman who proudly held a sign for Clinton and had known MacCade prior to his death said that Obama towncriers, with their “magical megaphones spewing their messages” turned the boy instantly starry eyed.

“It was like I was watching the Pied Piper lead poor Helmut into that rally,” she said.

Outside the rally, Obama supporters, aka all of the other young people in Oakland, held hands, sang kumbayah and stood to form the marching-band formation of the letters H, O, P and E on the lawn in front of the building.

When MacCade crossed the Clinton picket line onto the Obama stronghold turf, he immediately felt the “need for change” and “audacity of the situation,” he had told a bystander. Then, he joined the queue for the rally, ultimately sealing his fate.

Once inside the building, the former Clintonite crowd surfed over the Obama mosh pit to the front row of spectators.

As Obama took the stage, MacCade gazed up into the god-like senator’s eyes while clutching a campaign button close to his heart.

So hypnotized by Obama’s rhetoric, MacCade barely noticed as his own gasps from being overwhelmed turned to true shortness of breath, and his body, rigid with anticipation, became numb to a presumed shooting pain down his arms. As the crowd began its chanting, virtually asserting that, yes, they were the change they were waiting for, Clinton’s last faithful supporter ripped apart his “Hillary” sign, threw it onto the stage and burst into tears.

“Yes, we