Finals Fortnight: A solution to

It was a sad scene: A tiny freshman sat at a bleak desk, hunchbacked from torrential downpour… It was a sad scene: A tiny freshman sat at a bleak desk, hunchbacked from torrential downpour and several pounds of textbooks, eyes red and glazed over, a large coffee in her trembling hand. From outside a nearby dirt-streamed window, the girl could hear the faint sounds of Jason Mraz singing live on Bigelow Boulevard. Hundreds of her classmates filled the streets, laughing and dancing to the music in a jubilant wave of color.

But not this girl. This girl had two tests, two finals, a portfolio and a paper due in the upcoming week. She didn’t have time for anything else. Not even Jason Mraz.

For some students, I suspect this week is the calm before the storm: the last week of classes before they open up their textbooks, shun the sunlight and practically sell their souls to Hillman Library.

But for many other students, like myself, the onslaught of tests, papers and finals has already begun.

I see it happening again and again, like some tragic rerun of a show no one cares about. Surprise! Your professor is moving your final up a week. It’s one less thing for you to worry about during finals week, they tell you, beaming as if they’ve just handed out free pony rides or something equally exciting.

Hardly. In actuality, it’s more like they’re handing out death certificates or prescriptions for a highly potent neuroleptic.

In theory, the idea is great. Finals week is stressful enough; why not give the students a break and schedule their final test/paper/whatever the week before? Except it seems like every professor has this same great idea, and suddenly it’s not a great idea at all.

Instead, these students essentially have their entire finals week in advance: the same workload – except with one less week to study and, on top of all that, they still have to attend their regularly scheduled lectures.

Part of the reason why finals week is physically and mentally bearable is because there are no classes, therefore, students not only have extra time to do their work and study, but they are able to focus their efforts on the tasks at hand without having the added pressure of learning something new.

Scheduling finals a week earlier puts students in a sort of academic limbo, unsure of when to turn the learning button off and the studying button on. It becomes hard to learn the new material in a class, information that in the end will minimally affect final grades, when students are preoccupied with an assignment that will account for 25 percent of their grade, 30 percent of their grade or even more.

I have to think that this is why a specific finals week was created in the first place, and the failure to use it amplifies the already overwhelming amount of stress typically felt during this time of the year.

According to a national survey by the American College Health Association, stress is the “foremost impediment to academic performance.”

Stress can cause a lowered immune system, sleep-deprivation, ulcers, depression, diminished concentration and the nastiest case of acne you will ever see, all of which hamper proper work.

The study also found that the greatest predictor of stress was time management.

So the fact is, when students have time to get things done, they are happier, healthier and more likely to perform well on papers and exams.

Unfortunately, under the current set-up, that time is just not there.

There is, however, a solution to this problem. A little something called “Finals Fortnight” (term coined by a master of alliteration and fellow victim to pre-finals-week finals).

Here’s the idea: a two-week-long finals fiesta. No classes, 24-hour Hillman access and enough free coffee to satiate even the most destitute of caffeine addicts.

It’s not much of a stretch, since many professors are already scheduling their finals a week early. The University would just add on an extra week to the semester designated strictly as another finals week, something I could live with if it meant having the proper time to prepare for my exams and papers.

This might be a relief for professors, as well, who I’m sure have their own flood of exams and papers to score (this is, of course, contingent on the fact that the University pushes back the due date for grades by one week, too).

Even the name itself sounds exciting, like some lavish party with an extremely exclusive guest list.

Send Molly your finals horror stories to mog4@pitt.edu