Silent, but no longer deadly

This had to be a joke.

When I stumbled upon the website for GasBGon, a company claiming to… This had to be a joke.

When I stumbled upon the website for GasBGon, a company claiming to sell cushions and boxer shorts that filter out odors caused by flatulence, I didn’t really know what to think.

Assuming the website existed strictly for comedic value, I perused the products sold by Dairiair LLC. Chuckling at both item names, such as the basketball-themed cushion, the “Real Foul,” and an array of product slogans – my favorites include “stop blaming the dog” and “I’m tired of being the butt of all the jokes” – I slowly arrived at a miraculous epiphany: This product is real.

“We literally went worldwide overnight. People bought the cushions as a joke, they thought they were funny, but then they realized that they really work,” Dairiair co-founder Sharon Huza said.

Huza agreed to send me the “Break Away” hockey-themed cushion so I could witness the miracle for myself.

Polishing off a plate of my mom’s homemade spaghetti, I positioned the pillow beneath my gluteus maximus, ready for the worst. I felt the spaghetti begin to work its magic; the moment of truth had arrived.

It worked. Flawlessly.

Not only was the relatively thin cushion surprisingly comfortable, but no matter how hard I tried, the aroma of my usually zesty outbursts seemed nonexistent.

Out of fear of being too easy on my occasionally odoriferous self, I enlisted the toughest critic I know: my girlfriend.

Several minutes later, with my digestive system running on all cylinders, she reluctantly took a thorough sniff.

“I can’t smell a thing, that cushion is great,” she said, awestruck. “Can we keep it?”

The cushions are available online for $24.95 plus shipping. GasBGon also offers underpants and face masks, along with replacement carbon filters for $10.95 a pop.

The products come with a tally chart that, if you really want to, you can mark off every time you break wind. The chart recommends replacing a carbon filter every 435 expulsions.

In addition to the chart, the 324 square inch product came with instructions-“Sit ‘ Rip” – along with a note that they can be hand-washed and air-dried. All cushions are the same size.

A Pitt chemistry professor who asked to remain nameless – apparently fart cushions aren’t the most reputable field in modern science – said that the filter works just like a water filter you’d put on your faucet.

“The only thing that’s different here is the particulates are a hell of a lot smaller,” the professor said. “They’re particular molecules instead of being pieces of dirt or salt that’s in the water supply. It’s essentially the same thing.”

After returning the cushion to The Pitt News office – to the dismay of my girlfriend – I decided that the product had earned my respect. With a collective four thumbs-up from my critic and me, the tale of how GasBGon came to be deserves to be told.

Like many great inventions, the product emerged from a chance occurrence.

“I was hosting a pig pickin’ party,” Huza said. “They take a whole pig, and there are baked beans, broccoli salads, cabbage casseroles and a whole bunch of brewskies. We were having a blast, pardon the pun.”

Then, destiny took over.

“It started to rain, and the party moved inside. The smell in that house was a mess to knock you off your feet,” Huza said. “It was disgusting.”

Huza asked her husband, Jim, an engineer, to create something to ensure the pungent predicament would never again spoil their pig pickin’ parties.

Jim then designed a carbon filter with the hopes of ridding the redolence once and for all. Once the prototype was created, the Huzas tested the product in the only way they knew how.

“We supplied the beer, and people would sit and pass gas all day. They would have to sniff the air and see what they could smell,” she said. “It was so much fun.”

Huza said she and her husband came up with all of the product names themselves. With available items including the “Back Pass” soccer-themed cushion and the “Alley OOPS” bowling cushion, Huza explained the thorough process behind naming a product.

“My husband I would get a bottle of wine or a couple of brewskies and come up with the names,” Huza said. “We sold out the ‘Tush Down’ football pillow after the last Super Bowl.

Despite the humorous nature of the product, Huza said that flatulence can be a serious problem for some.

“You wouldn’t believe the amount of people who suffer and don’t have a social life because of it,” she said, citing both natural gas problems and those induced by medication.

“The average person passes gas 14 times a day, and if you’re not passing gas you need too get to a doctor right away,” she said.

For those of you playing along at home, 14 farts per day means about 420 per month, just 15 less than the product’s threshold. Buying a new carbon filter ever 31 days may become pricey, but how much is too much for a funk-free household?

Through her research, Huza came upon a stunning discovery.

“Females buy more than males,” she said. “And it’s not to get it for their better half. There are statistics that will show you that when a female passes gas, the odor is more potent than a man’s.”

Female or male, this product is worth a look-see not only for a good laugh, but because it truly does do as promised: “Clear the air, not the room.”