Flag burning: The best method for change

Last week, unknown vandals burned a U.S. flag donated to a local Oregon elementary school by 1st Sgt. Reginald Daniels. The burnt flag was left at half-staff.

Despite its animosity, burning the American flag is actually an intensely educated and productive idea. The nameless vandals weren’t vandals at all — they were likely only burning the flag with utmost respect for it. 

Here’s why: 

1. Flag burning dampens social injustice and corruption.

Traditionally, flag burning has been an effective way to solve issues like police brutality and gun violence. In August 2014, the people of Ferguson, Mo., made sure that no flags were left uncharred as they symbolically voiced their opinions against police brutality. Clearly, burning the flag will immediately stop corruption in positions of authority. It is likely that police will stop using guns entirely as a result of flag burning. We should expand this highly efficient practice to stop all forms of violence.

2. As a harmless and safe act, flag burning will promote world peace.

In order for the rest of the world to see America as the accepting, compassionate society it is, we should rid ourselves of any relevant differences. According to the U.S. Census Bureau, the population was close to 319 million as of last July. By this standard, our flag doesn’t acknowledge about 7 billion other people in the world. By intentionally letting flames engulf our flag, we can promote the blending of cultures. We can replace our flag with a universal one to represent the whole world. Overcoming communication barriers would be easy. After all, there are only about 6,500 other languages in the world. Hopefully, by banding together as The United World of America, we could selflessly facilitate world peace.  

3. Refusing to voice dissenting political opinions is an ingenious use of free speech.

Flag burning is a right under the Bill of Right’s First Amendment, falling under the term “symbolic speech.” Since 14 percent of Americans don’t know how to read ­— and therefore would be uninterested in literary endeavors — leave Facebook statuses and letters to the editor in the past. You can reach a much broader audience by burning the flag. Making the illiterate literate would take too long and prove too costly. A small flag and lighter come to a grand total under $10. Not only is flag burning protected as an absolutely necessary and acceptable First Amendment right — it is affordable for any angry American. 

4. Flag burning shows incredible respect for the men and women who have fought for your right to burn said flag.

Proper flag disposal involves folding the flag, placing it on a pre-lit fire, saluting the charred bits and reciting the Pledge of Allegiance. By following this practice, political dissatisfaction will be understood correctly and clearly, with the greatest esteem. This is the best way to salute the men and women who protect our freedom of speech.

5. Talk is cheap, but fire will catch politicians’ attention.

Providing alternative, plausible solutions to the problems you have with America’s political system is pointless. Why propose a theoretical fix when you can tangibly complain through fire? All educated people know that burning the flag is 100 percent more productive than talking to a representative that supports your policy preferences. Normally, it takes two to three weeks for a congressman to respond. Flag burning takes only a few minutes, no matter how big the flag. 

6. Flag burning is more effective than voting.

According to Newsmax.com, President Obama’s approval rating is currently 44.6 percent, which indicates that less than half of all Americans approve of the job he’s doing. To increase these dismal ratings, Obama may want to take the recent flag burning protests more seriously. Burning the flag informs the president, as well as state and local representatives, that you didn’t vote, because voting is a waste of time. It won’t actually change their policy preferences, and you’ll only be tossing away energy that could be appropriated to flag burning. Ninety-three million people took the hint in the 2012 election and did not vote. Hopefully, in the 2016 election, more eligible voters will forego their right to vote and burn flags instead. Then, Congress will finally create the much-needed Flag-Burning-Problem-Solving Cabinet, in which officials would actively seek out flag burners and ask them for comment on the state of our government

7. Burning flags is cooler than wearing them.

 The flag burning in Oregon is not an anomaly. It is the beginning of a trend — even a social movement. Soon, the flag will no longer be oversexualized by Tumblr vixens wearing the sacred cloth as a kimono. Instead, you will find images of burned flags on the site, a new way to express how trendy and liberal you are. Women can trade patriotic outfits for wholesome flag burning demonstrations.

Your thirst for change will only be strengthened through the smoke, flames and ash produced by a burning flag. If enough people participate simultaneously, perhaps the mass of smoke will spell out what the people really want, a smoke signal to the executive branch that will undoubtedly result in an infinitely happier population. 

Write Rebecca at rcp30@pitt.edu.