Jumper can’t sit still and develop a plot

“Jumper” Directed by Doug Linman Starring: Hayden Christensen, Samuel L. Jackson, Jamie Bell, Rachel Bilson

As shows like “Heroes” and the new “Terminator” gained prominence in TV Land, it was only a matter of time before average citizens gained above-average powers on the big screen. Doug Liman directs his new film “Jumper” to an unremarkable flop, leaving the audience confused and wondering where the last hour and a half has gone.

“Jumper” is the tale of ordinary individuals who have the power to transport themselves around the world at will. Some genetic anomaly gives otherwise normal humans teleportation powers that even “X-Men’s” Nightcrawler would envy. Instead of using their powers for the good of mankind, however, these jumpers are initially egocentric, robbing banks to support lavish lifestyles.

We’re introduced to David Rice (Hayden Christensen), one of many such jumpers targeted for destruction by the Paladins, a wealthy, clandestine religious organization that finds the hedonistic jumper lifestyle unacceptable.

Roland, a striking, white-haired Samuel L. Jackson, tries to kill Rice and his accomplice, Griffen (Jamie Bell). As if the movie were not formulaic enough, Liman brings in the bra-brandishing babe, Millie, played by Rachel Bilson. Captured by Roland, she requires the jumpers to save her from certain death. I’ve seen this film 20 times before but with better babes.

It might’ve been easier to watch if snakes had somehow jumped into the story from another movie plot. At least then Jackson could have had a badass line to go along with his hairdo. For a science fiction flick, the special effects only disappoint. They do “jump” an apartment complex into the library at the University of Michigan. But honestly, is that the best that the director of “The Bourne Identity” and “Mr. and Mrs. Smith” can come up with?

If the production team gets anything out of this movie, it’s more likely to be frequent-flyer miles than critical accolades. With production spanning over seven countries in three continents, it is clear someone wanted to do a bit of traveling.

The film team jumped from Tokyo to London, filming in Prague and the Colosseum on the way. According to an article from The New York Times, hundreds of thousands of dollars in fees had been levied by the Rome Film Commission for use of the Colosseum.

The best part of the movie is the ample time spent focusing the audience on the location of the set. Aerial views, similar to those in the “Bourne Identity,” accompany each jump.

Viewers will leave their Pittsburgh precipitation behind and bask in an Egyptian sun or sit at a cafe next to the Trevi fountain in Rome. That’s all well and good, but you’d get a better Italian experience at the Olive Garden – that, and the bread sticks and salad are never-ending.

According to the Internet Movie Database, even Eminem spurned this project, turning down a chance for the lead. If you choose to see this film, hope that aerial camera shots and an insipid soundtrack are enough to distract you from a sub-par action flick.