Not too much gold but plenty of fighting fools

“Fool’s…“Fool’s Gold” Directed by Andy Tennant Starring: Kevin Hart, Kate Hudson, Matthew McConaughey and Donald Sutherland

“Fool’s Gold” is one of those films that has no idea what it wants to be. Part romantic comedy, part adventure movie, part pirate movie, this is the first film in recent memory to involve treasure hunters not led by Johnny Depp or Geoffrey Rush.

Although it’s not a movie about pirates, it is set in the Caribbean and clearly pulls from many previous treasure-hunting movies, including the “Pirates of the Caribbean” trilogy. While “Fool’s Gold” tries to differentiate itself from the movies it borrows from, the end result leaves viewers with a “been there, done that” sentiment.

“Fool’s Gold” stars Matthew McConaughey and Kate Hudson as a recently divorced couple who married for sexual attraction and a mutual love of treasure. That’s all the back-story the film gives the audience. After Ben (Matthew McConaughey) arrives late and misses the divorce hearing, Tess (Kate Hudson) smacks him in the head with a shovel and vows never to talk to him again.

Ben was late to the hearing because he was scuba diving with a buddy and blew up his own boat. Again, keep in mind that the couple married only because the sex was good. After following a helicopter to a rich man’s (Donald Sutherland) yacht, the same yacht that Tess works on, Ben convinces the crew to help him find long-lost treasure and sets out to win back Tess’ heart, all the while avoiding the henchmen of local rapper Bigg Bunny (Kevin Hart), who aims to kill him.

The entire film is one big mess of cheap dialogue and silly action sequences. Director Andy Tennant apparently figured that current cinema audiences are stupid and need a 15-minute expose for every single character in the film. The film opens with dramatic music and title screens that explain the treasure that the characters will be questing for. It would not be so bad if those title slides weren’t restated word for word by character dialogue later in the film.

The rest of the film’s coma-inducing tendency begins with parallel editing of Ben’s exploits against Tess complaining about her failed marriage. Boats blowing up sure are fun to look at, but they are not enough to set up an entire story.

Characters aren’t the film’s saving grace, either. Ben runs around shirtless for almost the entire movie, while Tess uses her dazzling wit to annoy him, and the audience, at every turn. The only decent acting comes from Donald Sutherland, whose character is a mixture of a rich jerk and the grandfather you just want to hug.

Even the action sequences in this movie are dull. In the second half of the film, every single character gets hit in the head with a rock, a fist or a rock held by a fist. The fight scenes between Bigg Bunny’s henchmen and Ben seem to play on a loop throughout the film, involving a melee of weapons and more blows to the head. Usually, a film that borrows from several genres is innovative and fun. “Fool’s Gold” is a romantic comedy without the romance or the comedy, a treasure-hunting movie with very little treasure and an action movie with lame sequences. Anytime a character is in trouble, some act of God gets him out of it, whether it’s recovering from a bat to the head in 30 seconds or the treasure spontaneously appearing in front of the characters’ noses. “Fool’s Gold” is one of those films that give January and February the reputation of being film-studio dumping grounds. In short, this is one adventure you best make sure to miss.