Accept hypocrisy like a real man

The world is full of hypocrites. Countries use war to bring about peace. Environmentalists… The world is full of hypocrites. Countries use war to bring about peace. Environmentalists pass out fliers to help save the trees. Former GOP Sen. Larry Craig voted against same-sex marriages before getting caught playing footsies with an unwilling man in a Minnesota bathroom. Even God asked us not to mix milk and meat and then had the cajones to create cheeseburgers and pepperoni pizzas.

Well, this time society has gone too far. All we tell the older people in our community is to be young at heart and never stop learning, and when somebody actually tries to do that, he gets arrested. According to Reuters, Tetsunori Nanpei, a 39-year-old man from just north of Tokyo, was charged with trespassing when he scared children at a local school last Wednesday. He was wearing a schoolgirl’s uniform and a long wig. He said that he was just taking a stroll by the school when students started screaming. He then ran onto the campus and tried to blend in to the crowds of teenagers before fleeing from the police.

Can we really blame this man for trying to relive his youth? Is it his fault that adult life is so demanding that older people yearn to go back to a time of simplicity and bliss? If a man wants to dress up like a teenage girl and prowl around a high school full of children, shouldn’t that be his right? And, aren’t skirts much more comfortable than pants? Though I’ve never tried it, from what I’ve heard the answer to the last one is an outstanding “yes.”

Another story caught my attention, too. A 28-year-old man was arrested in a small town outside of Alberta, Canada, for impaired driving. According to Reuters, he parked his car in front of a police station early Saturday morning and stumbled inside to the lobby “displaying many indications of being intoxicated.”

Once again, is driving drunk to a police station really a crime? Shouldn’t he be rewarded for taking some of the burden off of public officials by doing part of their job for them? When all of society tells us to be responsible, and one person finally is, why does he get punished? Maybe he needed to fill his stomach to sober up, and stopped at the station for a couple doughnuts. Should we really punish somebody for craving a maple-flavored eclair?

And it doesn’t stop there. The hypocrisies keep growing. The American public gawks over every single intrusive photograph and YouTube clip that documents every aspect of celebrity life and then claims to not understand why Britney Spears might have gone a little crazy. Major League Baseball made huge profits off of home run races and Cy Young winners, then acts like a na’ve child when accusations come out that their horse-like players may not have done it all naturally. Even Nobel Prize winner Al Gore makes himself relevant again by warning the world about global warning, all while using enough energy in his enormous mansion to power a small island nation.

Hypocrisy is even making it over to the race for the Democratic presidential nomination. According to the New York Sun, Hillary Clinton is accusing Barack Obama of being a hypocrite. She is claiming that Obama is benefiting from independently funded advertising campaigns in Ohio, a practice that he spoke against during the Iowa primaries. However, Clinton’s finger pointing is causing more fingers to point back at her, as she has been quiet on her own involvement in the very same practices. The Sun has called her position “murky, a fact which complicates her attempt to tarnish Mr. Obama concerning the issue.”

I think that enough is enough. We either need to stop being hypocrites or embrace it entirely. Since I always take the easy way out while blasting others for doing the same thing, I’m going to embrace it. I’m going to buy cigarettes, video games and candy for young children while complaining about childhood obesity. I’m going to not support the Pirates and then wonder why they don’t have enough money to compete with bigger market clubs. I’m going to download music and complain that concert ticket prices are so high. I’m going to fight cruelty against animals, then eat a big ol’ plate of extra tender veal. I’m going to write a book about how nobody reads anymore.

We’re all hypocrites, whether we like it or not. So instead of crying about it, why not be real men and wear skirts?

E-mail Sam at seg23@pitt.edu to complain about how technology is ruining our lives.