Don’t get caught in the act

Almost all of us have or have had roommates. It’s part of the college experience, like cheap… Almost all of us have or have had roommates. It’s part of the college experience, like cheap pizza and all-night study sessions the day before a final. And when you have a roommate, you know there’s a certain element of diplomacy and etiquette that has to be observed in your relationship.

Stuff like: Don’t leave your underwear on your roommate’s desk or puke on his bedspread.

This is the kind of stuff that can damage relationships, not to mention dry-cleaning budgets.

Another thing that falls under etiquette’s umbrella, and one which many people tend to forget about, is your boyfriend or girlfriend.

Or more accurately, the, ahem, alone time that you share with your boyfriend or girlfriend.

To be blunt, getting “caught in the act” on your roommate’s bed or desk is just as sure-fire a way to poison the relationship as the aforementioned bedspread-puking.

In an effort to save roommate relations, I’m offering some helpful advice both as someone who’s been in these situations before and who knows many others who have been too.

First and foremost, your roommate’s possessions and living areas are sacred. No matter what the circumstances or the existing relationship, it is simply not cool to walk in to your room and find your desk chair has found a new purpose in life as a sex-swing.

This is easier to deal with when you have separate bedrooms, but even in dorms you should always respect the “invisible line” and stay firmly on your side of it.

You’d hate it if it were your bed or desk or whatever being violated in the same way, so don’t do it to anyone else either.

Second, common areas are an extreme-caution zone. In other words, if there’s any chance at all that someone could walk into the living room while you’re “busy,” restrain yourself until you can get to your bedroom. And if you’re in a single-room dorm (or share a bedroom with someone) this goes double. Just like it’s not cool to find your desk is now a playground, it’s also not cool to be barred from the living room television or afraid to enter your own bedroom.

This kind of brings me to my third point: The sock on the door is not an all-day pass.

Sure, it’s a simple way to say “room occupied,” but just like you’d get mad if someone took four hours in a public rest room, you’d be mad if you were barred from your possessions for a day because your roommate had no sense of time (or fell asleep).

It’s not fair to hog access to any common area, and just because you were nice enough to let everyone else know you’d be hogging it doesn’t change matters.

Also, as a side note, if you’re going to put a sock or some other object over the door handle, make sure your roommate knows what it means first.

Don’t get pissed off at him for walking in on you because you draped some Mardi Gras beads over the handle and he had no idea what it was supposed to mean.

Fourth, never, ever, EVER do anything while your roommate is in the room. Sure, he might be asleep or have his headphones on, but that is not an excuse to try and be sneaky.

It doesn’t matter if you’re into kinky stuff and like the idea that you might get caught. Fooling around when your roommate is in the room is just cruelty in the making.

Fifth, remember that even if you’re in your own room you might not be the only person in the building.

I know that some people enjoy making a little bit of noise now and again, but trust me when I say that a few layers of drywall are not enough to muffle even moderate noises, not to mention any real heavy-duty screaming.

Be conscious of the fact that walls and a closed door are not a guarantee to privacy, and playing your music loudly is not always enough.

And finally, try to respect the fact that your roommate might have an active sex life and would probably appreciate not being interrupted or barred from using his bed all the time.

If your roommate wants to use the bedroom or dorm room for a few hours, be courteous and move to a study lounge for a little while. It’s not that big a deal.

But if you’re being kicked out every day or can’t sleep in your own room the majority of the week, it may be time to stand up for yourself and tell your roomie to go to the boyfriend’s or girlfriend’s place for the night every once in a while.

A successful roommate relationship is based on two things: courtesy and compromise.

Nobody can get what he wants all the time, but he shouldn’t have to bow down to roommates on a regular basis either.

Instead of disregarding the people who live with you in favor of yourself, remember that they have just as many rights as you do and that your sex life isn’t only affecting you.

E-mail Richard at rab53@pitt.edu if you want more unsolicited advice on sexual politics.