Ready to write

Good news for those of you who are getting tired of “American Gladiator”: Last week, the… Good news for those of you who are getting tired of “American Gladiator”: Last week, the Writer’s Guild of America entered into informal talks with the Alliance of Motion Picture and Television Producers to discuss ending the writers’ strike that has debilitated the entertainment industry for the last four months. How exciting for the writers who have been out of work since the strike began in mid-September – when the AMPTP showed up for contract negotiations with a set of proposals that was degrading and unfair to the writers.

However exciting as these talks are, they are equally delicate. Both parties are anxious to strike a compromise and get everyone back to work, without losing too much ground on their side. The talks come under a “news blackout,” meaning that no one outside of the discussion knows what is being said, but this is unquestionably a time in which desperation could cause the strikers to cave on certain things that they really shouldn’t be asked to cave on.

So in solidarity with the writers and their cause, and in support of them staying the extra mile so that they can get their fair share, there will not be a column today.

By going “radio silent” this week, I hope to show you just how imperative writers are. Everything you love about your favorite movies or television shows originated from the minds of writers, probably one who is striking right now. That is the first step in the production process. It’s that moment of conception, that moment when one realizes that the annoying itch in her brain is actually not going away and that she should turn it out onto paper and see where it goes. That is the foundation of so much of what American culture is.

If I could, I would totally hire a writer for myself. That way, my column wouldn’t be so chock-a-bock full of cliches, and my friend Willie wouldn’t always tell me I was terribly unfunny.

And if I did hire a writer, I would make sure that he got what he was asking for. And in most cases, writers aren’t asking for too much. The proposal that AMPTP originally brought to meetings in September not only discounted a writer’s contribution to “new media” profits, like with streaming media and webisodes, it also reversed half a century’s worth of residual distribution policy.

Under the new proposal, writers would not receive residuals until a product became “profitable,” meaning that if a project stalled in production, the writers would not see any compensation for all of their hard work. This is not only unfair to the writers, it’s also dismissive and belittling.

And my support for unions – oh my gosh, she’s so liberal! – is another reason why I’m not writing this week. Some people might consider this strike as existing only within the industry, with only the trickle-down affecting the viewers, and as long as USA can run its “Law and Order: SVU” marathons, everything is OK.

But any time a union takes action, whether in Hollywood or here in Pittsburgh, it’s making a statement that is pertinent to all unions. The writers’ strike is internally about residuals for the writers. But beyond that, it’s about the dynamic between the “industry” – or “the Man” – and the workers and union members.

Although it is, in an insular way, involved with bringing back new episodes of “The Office,” this strike is really about making sure that union members everywhere get what they deserve, be it in the form of benefits, residuals or pensions. It’s about supporting the workers and showing them that they are essential. This strike, as glitz and glamour as it tends to be, is really about the average American.

Perhaps the most important reason to support the writers is because they are currently in a state of not being allowed to produce. The worst thing you can ask of an artist is to ignore that need that they have to create. A writer who is striking is not just being asked to not write for the AMPTP, they are being asked not to write at all. They are being asked not to work at those itchy-brain ideas, not to develop that ethereal notion that eventually becomes what is beamed magically into your monitor. And why? Because the AMPTP has made the issue not about art but about money. And that is the tragedy.

So, reader, or “reader who is not reading because I am not writing,” I ask you today to join me in supporting the WGA in what is, hopefully, the last stretch of this strike. Turn off that television, as tempting as a rerun marathon of the second season of “America’s Next Top Model” is, and pick up a book or a novelized version of your favorite film. Even better, do some writing of your own and send a letter to one of the AMPTP companies that are so bent on bringing in the big bucks. Because this concerns you, it concerns me and it should totally concern Tyra Banks. The fourth best way to eat a Reese’s is to poke two holes in it that look like vampire-fang bites and then say, “I vant to suck your blooood.” And then eat it. E-mail Cassidy at cassidygruber@gmail.com