Think twice before bringing Scruffy home to Oakland apt.

In the last two and a half years, I have had no stronger desire within me than to be a pet… In the last two and a half years, I have had no stronger desire within me than to be a pet owner. This is natural. We are all a little lonely when we leave home, and having a companion who is completely dependent and unconditionally loving is a definite ego boost. For me, now would be the perfect time for a pet. I live alone, there’s no shadow of campus housing in my future, and I’ll be settled here in Pittsburgh for at least a few more years. The stars have aligned for me at last! I can finally get that adorable bandy-legged, huge-pawed puppy named Sparkles! Yet I still have to head to Animal Friends to collect my mangy mutt. And for good reasons, reasons that many off-campus college students have to consider when deciding whether to own a pet.

First and most influentially: your lease agreement. Oftentimes, owning a pet is against your lease. If you’re like me and live in a one-bedroom with hard-to-clean carpets and thin, non-bark-proof walls, this is probably the case. There’s a good chance that if your landlord comes to show your place to a potential tenant and he stumbles upon your hermit crab Joe, he won’t be too miffed. But if he is greeted by Ethel, your adorable tabby kitten, then your security deposit might be in danger. The stress and anxiety of potentially being caught is enough to put anyone off pet owning.

Second: Owning a pet is a huge time and money-sucking responsibility. If you get a baby animal, which you probably will because, come on, they’re so cute, you’re looking at litter boxes, vet visits, walks, obedience classes, food, chew toys, catnip, balls of yarn, collars, flea baths, adorable pet clothes, sugar cubes if it’s a pony and, lest I should forget, the time it takes to form a loving bond with your pet. Ethel and Sparkles are going to drain your wallet and your sleep schedule. Also, it is not fun to take a bunny to the vet on the 61C.

Third: your roommates. In order to explain this better, I’ll have to travel back in time to this past summer when I adopted a stray cat, sort of. It started one morning when leaving for work and breakfasting on a banana, I saw a delightfully fluffy kitten tail disappearing into the garbage cans across the street. It was the cat that would come to be known as Professor Snufflebuttles, and when he looked up at me from behind those trash cans with his little eyes and pink nose and coughed – that’s right, coughed – in hunger, I was in love. The professor did not like the banana I tried to feed him, so I skipped back to my house and grabbed some turkey bacon from the fridge.

The Professor loved it! He kept coming back in the next couple of days, and I fed him a lot of that bacon. He took to sleeping on our porch and one day even braved coming into the living room, though uninvited. This did not please my roommate, however, mostly because it was her bacon that I kept feeding the professor, but also because he was a stray and because he was dirty and his cough was getting worse. If my roommate weren’t the awesome girl she was, she’d probably have slapped me. I got lucky, but you might not.

Fourth: hygiene. Pets smell. Joe, my hermit crab, smells. Dogs, cats and hamsters smell. Animals are dirty. Sure, living in South Oakland you probably have rats, which are dirtier than your pet, but that doesn’t take away from Buddy or Chairman Meow’s grossness. Plus, if your rats are like the rats I had last summer, they’ll probably fight your pet, which is sad and grosser still.

Owning a pet is about responsibility and not just your emotions. And if you are incapable of anything but emotions, why not try an alternative to pet owning? There are a lot of great options for animal lovers that can’t be animal owners. One of my favorites is hanging out with the canines brought to the Cathedral of Learning by Therapy Dogs International. This way you can satisfy your huggy-feely desire without having to buy the food or the flea collar. Or try volunteering at animal shelters, most of which are in constant search of people to help take care of stray or abandoned cats and dogs. Or you can try my personal favorite: watching “Air Bud” over and over and over again.

I know the temptation to have a pet is strong. And it’s often very rewarding. But you do have to realize that it comes with a lot of responsibility. So make sure that when you’re deciding whether or not to get a pet, you’re taking everything into account. And if they start getting an adorable-yet-suspicious kitten cough, make sure to take them to the vet.

The fifth best way to eat a Reese’s: Just jump right into it. E-mail Cassidy at cassidygruber@gmail.com.