A closer look at the Roger Clemens saga

On Monday mornings, most people drag a step or two, longing for more sleep and a delay to… On Monday mornings, most people drag a step or two, longing for more sleep and a delay to another week.

This Monday, though, I read some great news: Roger Clemens’ agent released a 45-page report to defend Clemens’ alleged use of performance-enhancing drugs.

Apparently, video of Clemens catching a football and side stepping while catching a baseball with his bare hands isn’t proof enough.

I suffered through classes, anxiously waiting for a second of free time and, when it finally arrived, I sat down, digested and loved every word.

It’s more than a report.

It’s the start of what could become the greatest biography of any athlete ever.

Once I started I couldn’t put it down.

I literally lifted my laptop off the desk to read the report so I didn’t put it down. I did that multiple times.

The report is better with every read.

What is out now, is a great middle part of a book with an incredibly likeable protagonist.

When it’s published I’d like a bit more beginning.

The reader needs to know about Clemens’ childhood and his rise to American greatness.

It’s not a question of how great Clemens was in his younger years, but of how much greater than he was compared to all other kids his age.

One reason that the Rocket was dominant as a young man is because he was 6-foot-4 and weighed just over 200 pounds while in little league.

He was forced to lose the weight when the Red Sox drafted him because the team didn’t have any larger jerseys, which is why Clemens looks lighter earlier in his career.

It’s a very little known fact that the book should definitely include.

But so far, all we have from the book is tons of statistical evidence of Clemens’ supremacy.

The report opens with a brief intro of Clemens’ career.

It reads like a novel because it sounds so made up.

All of these accomplishments by one man?

Surely this is a work of fiction, one might think, but no.

This greatness bottled in human form once graced the world with his presence.

After the description, the report shows Clemens’ year-by-year stats.

Once again, staggeringly impressive.

Then we come to our first topic of interest – pitching quality.

The report shows in this section that “Clemens pitched extremely well in some years, while in other seasons he was less effective.”

If someone took performance enhancing drugs they clearly wouldn’t go through periods of ineffectiveness.

Just look at Jay Gibbons, Neifi Perez and Jason Grimsley.

Next up, the report talks about what an ERA is, and Clemens’ yearly ERAs compared with his career and the league average.

While a delightfully colored graph shows that only twice in his career was Clemens below the league average ERA, one of which was his rookie season, he did finish barely above the league average in 1993, and close to it three other times.

Even though Clemens has succumbed to aging, roughly a year per season, he remained effective because he “adapted his style of pitching to his physical abilities.”

And as we all know, performance enhancing drugs clearly wouldn’t affect one’s physical ability.

The report continues to break down Clemens’ career, and I don’t want to spoil it for anyone else, but the report goes into detail about Clemens’ best stretch of pitching.

It apparently started exactly on Aug. 11, 1996, and went until April 10, 1999.

Any sports fan knows most athletes usually encounter the prime of their careers from ages 34 to 37.

And to seal Clemens’ innocence, we see a year-by-year comparison of his strikeout ratio and Nolan Ryan’s.

Of Clemens’ five best strikeout ratios, three occurred while in his 30s, whereas as three of Ryan’s five best took place while he was in his 40s.

“It should be stated,” the report read, “that Roger Clemens has stated for many years that his idol was Nolan Ryan, who had a well-known work ethic somewhat ahead of its time.”

This isn’t a case about illegal substances.

It’s about a man trying to live up to his idol, but falling short.

Just based off this excerpt I’d give the book four out of five stars, and I know I’ll be at a bookstore the day it comes out fully published.

I’d be honored to give a quote for the cover.

Something along the lines of, “A masterpiece! The only thing more enjoyable would be watching the Rocket pitch!”

We need this book so decades down the line, when kids won’t believe tales their parents tell of Clemens, they’ll have it to read.

And when they think of the greatest pitchers ever, Clemens will have run ahead of all others to the top of their lists.

Just like Rosie Ruiz.