A sports wish list for the year 2008

While this year isn’t over just yet, I’m done with it.

There’s nothing happening between… While this year isn’t over just yet, I’m done with it.

There’s nothing happening between now and Dec. 31 that I’m interested in.

That’s why I thought I’d spend some time writing about what I hope to see from the sports world in 2008.

The first thing I want to see is Barry Bonds play and hit 80 home runs.

And after every one, I want him to watch it for a few seconds, and go back to doing his spin down the first-base line.

I can’t say I was ever a huge Bonds fan, but I do like underdogs.

Bonds has to be considered the greatest underdog in the history of sports going into this year.

No more Seabiscuit or 1980 U.S. Olympic hockey team.

I don’t care where he plays, just as long as he does and as long as he completely dominates.

I might even buy a cross earring out of support.

We can all agree that Mike Tyson needs a talk show.

It’s hard to believe it hasn’t happened yet, and what better time than now?

The writers are on strike, and Tyson surely doesn’t need writers to be entertaining.

Just sit him down and let him interview people, and that’s great television.

He is without a doubt the most fascinating sports personality in recent memory.

When you listen to his interviews, he has a strange mastery of the English language.

Some of the things he says, he says them in a way that lets you know there’s an interesting person under that rocking face tattoo.

Of course, you’ll also have to deal with Tyson threatening to consume the guests’ children and a sexist rant or two.

But that’s a price any network should be willing to take.

Following a trend started this year, I want next year’s college football season to be even more unpredictable.

For all the insanity of this season, the championship game is LSU vs. Ohio State.

Not that crazy.

How we arrived at this point was fun, but the end result isn’t anything special.

Next season, I want every ranked team to lose in the first two weeks of the season.

I want analysts on television trying to decipher what’s going on.

I want them walking off set crying because of the mayhem.

I want the BCS to be so confused that it has to start taking GPA and graduation percentages into account.

I can’t be the only one who wants to see a junior college play a community college in the Sugar Bowl.

In 2008, I’d like to see Isiah Thomas win the NBA Coach of the Year award.

The coach of the Knicks has been under harsh scrutiny with everything he’s done the past few years.

It’s time for him to shove itback in everyone’s face.

Unfortunately, for this to happen, the Knicks would most likely have to win all of their remaining games and Thomas would have to perfect cloning before the end of the season.

Even more unfortunate, I don’t know which is more unlikely.

I also want to see one team step up and finally honor a group of people that have gone too long without praise.

I’m talking about none other than ticket scalpers.

No other group does more to bring games to the fans than scalpers.

Prior to what some may think, they’re not out to cheat you.

Of course there are a few bad seeds who are trying to sell you tickets to an old game, but if you buy a ticket without checking if it’s the right game, that’s all on you.

Many of them sell the tickets for face value.

A friend and I went to the Big East championship game at Madison Square Garden three years ago thanks to a scalper.

Were our tickets on opposite ends of the Garden?

Sure, but we were still there.

Not sure who scalpers are?

All you need to do is walk around any sporting arena before a game and look for the friendly people asking if either you need tickets or have tickets.

They may have on a laminated sign that reads “I need tickets.”

The team should specifically honor the first scalper to ever think of making that sign and laminating it.

That’s a great moment in the history of man.

It should be recognized as such.

Finally, “We Will Rock You” by Queen needs to make a comeback in the sports world.

It’s been long enough since the second “Mighty Ducks” movie used it that.

I think we’re ready to start hearing it in arenas and stadiums once again.

It has the perfect “boom, boom, bap” beat to hype up any crowd.

Fans have suffered through enough Baha Men blaring over speakers at a game.

Just imagine your favorite team entering the arena to “We Will Rock You.”

They would all be in silk boxing robes, hitting their legs twice and clapping along with the song.

That’s not a team I would want to face.

I can’t think of any song that will give someone an energy boost.

It’s the perfect substitute for Red Bull.

It’s also what I do every time I sit down to write.