Prophet or cute teddy bear?

Every so often, teachers get in trouble. As much as we students hate to admit it, our… Every so often, teachers get in trouble. As much as we students hate to admit it, our glorified educators cannot always maintain the level of perfection that we have grown to expect from them. When teachers do fall off their respective pedestals, it’s most often from controversial lectures or the occasional inappropriate professor-student relationship. Sometimes they are even brash enough to teach their impressionable high school students about the theory of evolution.

But just when you thought your teachers would quietly climb back into their books and stop causing trouble, another one decides to go out and mess it all up. In Sudan, a British elementary school teacher has been arrested after allowing her 7-year-old students to pick the name “Mohammed” for the class teddy bear. According to CNN.com, action was taken against Gillian Gibbons, 54, after a number of angered parents complained to the school board about what they saw as an insult toward their religious practices.

Blasphemy, an actual offense under Sudanese rules, is punishable with up to three months in prison and a fine. Also, according to Islamic Sharia law, a convicted blasphemer could receive up to 40 lashes. Yes, I just said lashes. So just to recap, a 54-year-old woman allowed 7-year-olds to choose a name for their stuffed animal, and now she may get thrown in jail and beaten.

Is everyone still with me? If so, let’s try to sort this whole thing out. Mohammed was the founder and prophet of Islam. “Mohammed” is the one of the most popular names in the entire world. Mohammed was a social and political reformer, who is credited by Muslim tradition with a number of supernatural miracles. “Mohammed” is also a teddy bear – a bundle of cotton wrapped in fake fur and topped with two adorable, beady eyes.

So what’s the big deal? First the Danes get in trouble for a couple of tasteless, yet harmless, cartoons, now children’s toys are under religious scrutiny? What other objects of our youths will be put under the microscope? Do milk mustaches mock religion-based facial hair traditions? Does tee-ball reinforce Satanic rituals? Is a purple dinosaur the same thing as a golden calf?

My solution, as it is for most ridiculous disputes, is for everyone to chill. Gibbons meant no wrong, and punishing her for her actions would be a slap in the face to the institution of education. Just like we can’t expect doctors to perform successful heart surgeries with 10,000 malpractice lawyers breathing down their necks, how are teachers supposed to do their jobs if they’re in constant fear of lashings?

For some odd reason – I’m still not sure why – I have a marble bust sitting on top of my microwave, aptly christened Moises Adalius Alou. Moises should offend many people and religions. His first name was stolen from one of the most famous Judaic prophets, Jeremiah. He is a misrepresentation of an ancient belief system, as he is actually a model of the Greek deity Apollo. And, he reminds Mets fans how badly their team blew it while giving up the NL East to Philadelphia.

However, there have been no protests in the dark alley next to my apartment. Nobody has chained himself or herself to my door or called me the devil while throwing goat blood at me. Nobody has gotten mad, because nobody seems to care. “Moises” despite its nuanced undertones, is nothing more than a name, and nothing to get excited about.

The teddy bear itself is supposed to be a sign of compassion and comfort, as it was first made to represent a wounded beast that former president Theodore Roosevelt had mercy on during a hunting trip. The stuffed animals gained immediate popularity and now protect children around the world nightly from thunderstorms and closet monsters. These cute little bears never meant anybody any kind of harm.

Just like our cuddly, furry friends, religion is supposed to be a calming force. It is supposed to give its followers greater understandings of the world and to provide strength and hope during difficult situations. Religion, last time I checked, is not supposed to start wars. It’s not supposed to cause fights. And it’s not supposed to imprison a teacher for trying to explain animal habits to her young class.

This unfortunate situation is just another example of people ruining good things, both religion and teddy bears, for bad reasons. Hopefully, the Sudanese authorities will be looking at the bigger picture while deciding this case. At the very least, let’s hope they spare the bear, if only for the kids who named it.

E-mail Sam at seg23@pitt.edu. Do it for Teddy.