Forget hard work, just buy yourself a doctorate

A scandal is currently rocking the greatest city in the world – something so big that our… A scandal is currently rocking the greatest city in the world – something so big that our social and political structure, as we now know it, may never recover.

Since last June, according to Saturday’s New York Times, six people have been arrested for including fake degrees with their applications to work for the New York Fire Department. Four of them submitted fake high school equivalency certificates, while the other two had diplomas from Belford University, an online college in which it costs $509.15 to earn a bachelor’s degree with honors in aerospace engineering.

The reason that you haven’t heard about this yet is that nobody really cares. It’s really not that big of a story. But it got me thinking – would a college degree make these people better firefighters? Would a signed diploma from an accredited university really make them more fit to run into burning buildings?

Halfway through this conversation with myself, an even bigger issue popped into my very crowded head. What do college degrees even mean? Why are they so important? Do these pieces of paper really make anybody a better person?

Next April, I will most likely be receiving a diploma with the rest of the graduating members of the senior class. I will be leaving the great University of Pittsburgh with a degree in fiction writing, a certificate in children’s literature and a minor in Eastern religious studies. I’ve written papers on Franz Kafka, Buddha and Little Red Riding Hood all within the last three weeks. My classes have been fun and thought-provoking, but am I in any better place to get a job than I was four years ago?

The funny thing is, the answer might be yes. It’s all about the diploma. Sure, I won’t be running any Fortune 500 companies straight out of school, but a degree – even one in English – can get you a long way. It’s not about the shoes, Spike Lee, it’s about the diploma.

Part of me is fine with this. If all I need to enter the next stage of life is a college degree, then so be it. If a little piece of paper can legitimize four years of living in the fantasy world we call college, then who am I to complain? For the rest of my life I’ll be able to look up at the wall of my parent’s basement and smile at the framed document that designates me as a educated member of society, right before going back to work on my latest sitcom proposal and yelling at my mom to bring me down more meatloaf.

The rest of me isn’t so sure. Is one piece of paper as important as four years of work, or is four years of work as important as one piece of paper? If everything I’ve done is culminating into getting a degree, is that really worth it? It’s like climbing up Mount Kilimanjaro just to find a thank you note and a chocolate kiss. Umm