Try getting a job as a GM in baseball, Littlefield did it

While there are numerous jobs on campus, many students venture off campus for work.

For… While there are numerous jobs on campus, many students venture off campus for work.

For most, this leads to retail stores and restaurants, but it’s about time Pitt students raised the bar.

How does general manager of a professional baseball team sound?

There’s nothing wrong with working at a pizzeria or clothing store, but college students completely overlook running a baseball team as an option to help pay the bills.

And imagine how many bills one could pay on the salary of a GM. You could pay your tuition, a few friends’ tuitions and still have enough left to take everyone for ice cream.

But how does one become a GM for a Major League team?

The quickest, easiest way to do this would be to buy the team you want to run. That would be expensive, really expensive.

Another quick way is blackmail. While it’s morally wrong, an incriminating or embarrassing picture is worth a thousand words, and possibly millions of dollars. I won’t condone blackmailing someone, but in case you were already thinking about it, the owner is the most logical person to blackmail.

Next up is probably the owner’s spouse or some other immediate family member.

A great way to catch that perfect job is to be a retired player. It’s not the most logical route, but it will work. This one might take a while, though, and if you have enough talent to be a professional athlete, you should probably concentrate on that.

It also helps if someone in your family owns the team. Start showering them with great presents from a young age, and maybe they’ll eventually hand you the team. For men, a power tie seems like a good gift, and for women, a nice pants suit says, “I like you enough to buy you this gift. Now, I’d like reciprocation in the form of a job, please.”

This worked for 12-year-old Billy Heywood, who took over the Twins after his grandfather passed away and left him the team. He was the team’s owner and then manager, so while not a GM, the blood connection still worked.

Unfortunately, he was a fictional character. But that doesn’t mean that couldn’t happen in real life someday.

Many end up in high-power positions after working their way up through the organization. It’s probably the most common way to become a GM, and the most respectable.

It’s also best to do this with an organization that doesn’t win often because there’s a better chance of people higher up losing their jobs more often. And isn’t the best way to a promotion through someone else’s failure?

Speaking of which, the hometown Pirates just fired GM Dave Littlefield, who held the job for six years. Brian Graham, the team’s director of player development, was hired as interim GM. This means they are still looking at candidates to fill the position.

Many don’t think of the job as one that is desired, but there are plenty of reasons as to why the Pirates job would be a great way to break into the league.

The most obvious one being that it’s a job as a GM of a Major League team. Another is that you’d have free tickets to every game. So, not only would you make a large sum of money as your salary, but you’d save money by not having to pay for tickets anymore.

If you were to take over the Pirates job, one of the first things you could do is fire manager Jim Tracy. That sounds like fun.

Another great thing about taking over as the Pirates GM is that the phrase “tough act to follow” holds no barring whatsoever. You’re following a man who traded Aramis Ramirez, Kenny Lofton and cash considerations for Jose Hernandez and Matt Bruback. As long as you don’t sign Jeromy Burnitz or Joe Randa, you should be fine.

On the positive side for Littlefield, he did bring Jason Bay, Adam LaRoche and Freddy Sanchez to the team. But the team still hasn’t finished higher than fourth in the NL Central under his direction.

You can’t mess up. Well, yes you can, but even if you do, they might keep you around for six years, anyway.

But it’s not all glamorous. Just ask Yankees’ GM Brian Cashman, who has held the job since 1998 after working his way up the organization. Of course, working under George Steinbrenner isn’t exactly something to put someone at ease, and he’s done it for more than a decade.

He constantly looks worn out and like he hasn’t had a good night’s sleep since he started as GM. At this point, the bags under his eyes completely cover his cheeks.

He’s just one instance of how being a GM might not be as fun as one would think. But then again, he’s allowed to spend upward of $200 million a year, so everything evens out in the end.

Cashman took over the job at the age of 30, and many teams are hiring younger people to lead their teams, so don’t think it’s just a job you have to wait 20 years in line to take.

Last year, Boston Red Sox GM Theo Epstein turned 11 years old, and he already has a World Series ring to his name. It was also widely reported that he had a wicked awesome birthday last December.

Supposedly, Manny Ramirez showed up dressed as a clown and David Ortiz performed magic tricks. Unfortunately, the party took a turn for the worst when Curt Schilling started pushing kids out of the way so he could collect all the mini Milky Way bars that fell from the pinata.

So, go make something of yourselves, Pitt students. Soon, instead of asking if people want their combo meal in a small, medium or large, you’ll be asking what prospects you have to throw in to complete a trade for Johan Santana.