Baseball man Garner the wrong goat in Houston

Cigar smoke billowed toward the ceiling of the visiting manager’s office at PNC Park. Phil… Cigar smoke billowed toward the ceiling of the visiting manager’s office at PNC Park. Phil Garner leaned back in his chair and rested his feet on the massive cedar desk in front of him.

He had to have his victory cigar.

Behind him, a miniature refrigerator, fully stocked with Garner’s beer of choice, purred quietly. Above him, a silenced television played highlights from the Astros’ 2-1 victory over the Pirates.

At that point, Garner was happy. When the last of the reporters trickled into his office, he started taking questions.

Garner fields every question the same way.

He pauses after each question, chewing on the right answer. Then he cracks a smile and mutters a sarcastic joke.

After all, Garner’s a baseball man. To baseball men, most reporters know little about the game and all their questions are foolish.

But when the smoke cleared and the questions stopped that night, Garner smiled, lifting his Yosemite Sam mustache to an arch.

That was the first time I saw Garner. And it might be the last.

Astros owner Drayton McLane fired Garner on Monday.

The dismissal comes after a dismal season, fit to be the worst Astros finish under Garner.

Under Garner’s direction, Houston was 277-252, with a World Series appearance and two trips to the playoffs. Not bad for a team competing in the jam-packed NL Central.

Baseball is a cruel business.

After the Astros’ 10-2 finish in 2006, which brought Houston within six games of the wild card, Garner signed a contract extension through 2008.

I bet Garner didn’t know he’d be trying to win without Roger Clemens or Andy Pettitte.

And so it all fell down.

Craig Biggio is batting a measly .253. Lance Berkman is hitting 28 points lower than his career average. Morgan Ensberg had to be designated for assignment.

I didn’t even mention the tattered pitching rotation and battered bullpen.

A manager is only as good as his players. If the general manager can’t bring in pitching help or role players to help his manager succeed, the GM should go.

Not the manager.

Did I mention Garner played for the Buccos for four seasons? There should be an opening for the manager’s position here in Pittsburgh after this season.

Maybe Phil can start smoking cigars in the home manager’s office at PNC Park next season.

Let’s get to the rapid fire: