Find fun in literary theme parks

Everyone is wondering how the last “Harry Potter” book will end. What will become of the… Everyone is wondering how the last “Harry Potter” book will end. What will become of the magic gang in the final installment of J.K. Rowling’s super-smash-hit book series? Rowling has already revealed that she will kill at least two of her main characters. So who will they be?

My money is on the British ones.

Many have speculated that Harry will die in the end, as it would be fitting with the formula of mythology. The real life Harry Potter, Daniel Radcliffe, also suspects that Harry will die in the end. If Radcliffe is right, this means that he will not be required to star as a middle-aged wizard someday.

Personally, I think that in the end, the love Harry makes will be equal to the love he takes.

No matter what the outcome of the series, many fans will be heartbroken that their beloved heroes will grace only the pages of Internet fan fiction. Harry Potter vs. Frodo. Harry Potter vs. Transformers. Harry Potter meets Ratatouille. These literary wizards of the Internet will put Harry in all sorts of situations but never as masterfully as Rowling has.

In fact, Rowling may be more torn up than anyone over the conclusion of the Harry Potter series. She has said that she broke down in tears during the completion of her final novel. – and understandably so. Without Harry, she will be the empty shell of a woman. She will be alone – alone with her $1 billion.

For the rest of us, there is something much more promising than millions and millions of dollars. A “Harry Potter” theme park called The Wizarding World of Harry Potter will be opening at the Universal Orlando Resort in 2009. If the movies weren’t enough to completely remove the imaginative process from reading the books, this new theme park should certainly do the trick.

Many people have proclaimed the “Harry Potter” series to be a brilliant work of literature, worthy of a spot in literary canon. I personally have only read the first “Harry Potter” book back in eighth grade. Eighth grade sucks for most people, so maybe I associate the crappiness of middle school with the first “Harry Potter” book.

If one book series worthy of being considered high literature is also worthy of having a theme park, I feel as though there are other worthy titles that deserve a similar honor.

Imagine a “Grapes of Wrath” amusement park. It would be easy to create. All that would be required would be a large room and a lot of dust. No patrons would be allowed to eat anything – not even grapes. Showers would also be off limits. It would be consistently 100 degrees, and the main attraction would be an overcrowded wagon that goes over very uncomfortable bumps. At the end, the entire room will fill with water in a similar fashion to the wave pools at local parks.

Picture the thrills of the park inspired by “A Rose for Emily.” It would be like a haunted-house ride. In lieu of ghosts and goblins, though, there would be just a dead guy lying in a bed.

Imagine “Waiting for Godot: The Ride.”

Try to see in your mind the excitement your family would feel on a sled ride in the Ethan Frome Funland. It would be like Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride.

It only makes sense that high literature inspires a theme park. I used to think that a print to screen adaptation was the highest honor a book could receive. But now that the “Harry Potter” series is receiving its own amusement park, I realize just how wrong I was.

Theme parks don’t have to be exclusively based on Disney movies and chocolate bars. It is about time that the producers of a book series this popular exploit its popularity for capitalistic gain. It’s about time that someone realized that literature is not just something that should exist on its own, as it is, but instead must make someone as much money as physically possible. I know what some people might be saying. They might think that such blatant commercialism cheapens the depth and seriousness of a work of art like the “Harry Potter” series.

Well, would they be saying that if the tickets were only $30 per person? Would they be saying that if they knew they could get their picture taken with Hagrid? If they realized just how accurate the amusement park experience would be to the book, they would certainly have a change of heart.

Needless to say, the “Harry Potter” series is the first literary work to fully grasp what high literature should be. High literature shouldn’t be just a book. It shouldn’t even be just a book and a movie. It should be a lunchbox. It should be pajamas. It should be an entire amusement park.

Interested in Gatsby’s Great Golden Roller Coaster? E-mail jmg77@pitt.edu to find out more.