New plastic bottles smell like warm, soft pretzels

Summertime at home is a good opportunity for students to be relieved of intense penny… Summertime at home is a good opportunity for students to be relieved of intense penny pinching and budget stretching. Mom’s cooking dinner again, there are no expensive books to buy, and – in some cases – you don’t have to pay rent. It is also a good time to replenish those funds lost throughout the school year (all for educational purposes, of course).

The summer job is a great thing, but in many ways it is quite bittersweet. The hours may be long, the pay may low and the hottest girl working there may only be so because she’s the only one under 60. No matter what the job, it may be difficult to make it through the day.

It’s painful to the soul to wish for summer to end because of an intense work schedule. We look forward to summer break during the buildup to our final exams, but when it comes, we get jobs and are immediately wishing for the sweet hum of an overhead projector.

It really is true what Loverboy said: Everybody is working for the weekend. With my help, you can work for the weekend as well. In a summer of hard work, the weekend is sometimes the only chance we have. Here are a few ways to help your workday pass by.

Making up stories about your co-workers is a fabulous way to pass time. It doesn’t matter what type of story. Perhaps you want Gary to scale a mountain. Maybe Lenore could travel into outer space. With the number of interesting characters you meet at the workplace, it is difficult not to create fun stories. I know that while I’m taping boxes shut, I’m creating a world in which Barry is a six-story robot bent on destroying a metropolis.

Counting sheep works for more than just falling asleep. See how fast you can count 5,000 sheep. By the time you’re done, who knows how much time may have passed. This method does not work if your job relies heavily on your ability to count. Unless you’re a sheep farmer. Then it is quite handy.

Making lists is another great way to help the time pass. Take popular actors, musical groups or types of beans and name as many as you can. For example, imagine how much time would pass if you named every song by Quiet Riot that you could think of.

Of course, if you have a more relaxed job, you can pass time easily by conversing with your coworkers. A good conversation helps time go by like a bag of M’Ms. To get someone talking, try opening up a can of worms. Ask them their philosophy on life. Any question which requires a complicated answer works fine.

Opening a can of worms actually works literally as well as figuratively. Imagine the questions one might ask if they saw you crack open a can of fish bait.

Try not to look at your job in a completely negative manner. Even if the work you do is repetitive and may not align with your interests, there is always something new and interesting to be learned. For example, I recently discovered that when plastic bottles have just been made, they smell like warm soft pretzels.

These are just a few things that can help time pass at work. But this effort continues even at home. You want time to pass quickly while you’re working, and slowly when you are at leisure. The key is to remain as bored as possible while you are at your house.

I know it seems rather strange, but think about it. If you are enjoying yourself, doesn’t time usually begin to pass more quickly? To avoid the mundane nature of work, you must make things mundane on your free time. This means that you should avoid swimming, biking, jogging, going to the beach, playing videogames or any type of “fun” that you could have.

Try staring at a wall in your house. Only white will do. Colors will remind you of something and you will begin to think about that thing. Glance only at the clock when you are sure a large amount of time has gone by. If you are lucky, that large amount of time will have only been five minutes.

Begin reading “Moby Dick.”

Watch “The Ten Commandments” in slow motion.

It may seem like a waste of time now, but if you follow this instruction, your free time will seem infinitely long and your work will feel like nothing more than a blink. Then, before you know it, the weekend will come. Pretty soon it will be August, and before you even realize it, you’ll be packing to drive back to Oakland.

E-mail Josh at a rate of one word an hour at jmg77@pitt.edu