Don’t risk flying the angry skies

It takes anywhere between six and eight hours to drive from Pittsburgh to my hometown in… It takes anywhere between six and eight hours to drive from Pittsburgh to my hometown in Connecticut – depending on traffic and who’s driving. On the other hand, a flight from Pittsburgh International Airport to La Guardia Airport only takes about an hour. The only problem is, there have been enough bad flying stories coming out lately that the Pennsylvania Turnpike is looking more attractive every single day.

Last week, a Virgin Airlines pilot was removed from the cockpit after suspicious co-workers smelled alcohol on his breath. The pilot failed a Breathalyzer test, and the flight, which was supposed to be going from London to JFK, was delayed for an hour while officials searched for somebody else to fly the plane.

And if the pilots aren’t drunk, they’re just really, really mad. A Norwest Airlines flight from Detroit to Las Vegas, which sounds like more of a humanitarian rescue mission than a commercial trip, was canceled last weekend because a pilot was heard cursing loudly on his cell phone. When confronted by a number of passengers, the pilot went off, directing his vulgar language towards the customers he would soon be directing through turbulent skies. Disgruntled passengers received tickets for the next available fight, but any extra time spent in Motown probably didn’t do too much to lighten their moods.

Also this weekend, a flight from Hanoi, Vietnam, to Japan was delayed when a passenger saw a little white mouse scurrying around the main cabin. It took about three hours for technicians to find the furry friend, which the airline said was probably a lost pet illegally brought on board by a former passenger. They supposedly tried laying out plates of airline food to lure the mouse out of hiding, but all that did was repel the creature farther.

Even Jet Blue, a company that is usually a bright spot when it comes to airline problems, isn’t doing too well. First, in February, the airline held many passengers hostage in their planes for up to 10 and a half hours while waiting for the weather to clear up. Then, in March, a flight had to return back to Palm Beach International when a piece of the engine cover fell off. This came only a few days after Jet Blue canceled 215 flights because of winter weather. Right now, Jet Blue needs a better PR campaign than Don Imus.

When you add all of these things to crying babies, long security lines and all those people who take all the overhead-compartment room with “carry-ons” bigger than my checked luggage, there is very little reason to fly anymore. I don’t have any drunken or angry, yelling pilots, or white mice in my car, so why shouldn’t I drive?

All you truth-loving statisticians will love throwing numbers at this issue, saying that the chances of dying in a plane crash is one in 11 million, while the chances dying in a road accident are one in 5,000. They’ll also say that 50,000 people are killed on highways each year. But the only number I really care about is 30,000 – how many feet off the ground planes usually go, as opposed to the inches away I am while sitting in my Oldsmobile. Also, planes travel at an average of 600 mph, which is slightly faster than I can go in my car. Which one sounds safer to you?

Airplanes aren’t all bad – they can transport goods over oceans and airdrop supplies to needy nations. Most importantly, they make some great movies, including Con Air, Soul Plane, Air Force One and the fifth-best motion picture of all time, Airplane. However, none of these movies really make me want to hop onboard a 747.

The other thing flying doesn’t have is that unique road-trip experience. Some of my best memories involve driving long distances, whether it’s 18 hours to Tennessee for a music festival or a trip from Hartford to New York at two in the morning, just for a chili-cheeseburger wedge. Driving turns a journey into an event, one that can potentially be an even better story than what happens at the target location. Sure, when flying you can fall asleep and wake up at your destination, but how much fun could that possibly be?

So, fly at your own risk. If you like inebriated, cursing pilots, mice and vehicles seemingly put together with Legos, then go right ahead. As for me, I’m sticking to the road where nobody can tell me to put my tray table in the upright position.

E-mailHKT Sam at Seg23@pitt.edu if you’re curious about the other four best movies of all time.