Three-headed Scudnasrechar monster not really scary

The three-headed monster lurks in its own territory. It looks left. Then right. Then it… The three-headed monster lurks in its own territory. It looks left. Then right. Then it happens. The opposition pounces. No luck for the creature. It has failed. The monster has lost everything.

Queue the eerie music and watch the attack.

No, I’m not talking about some cheap, 1930s rendition of some frame-by-frame Godzilla flick or even one of those newer computer-animated Disney/Pixar masterpieces.

I am talking about Scudnasrechar. The name was given on message boards to the Pittsburgh Penguins trio of defensemen Rob Scuderi, Alain Nasreddine and Josef Melichar, and the above scene describes most of their recent defensive situations.

From about mid-March and on into the postseason, Pens fans have witnessed a solid decline in this triumvirate’s performance on the ice. They turn the puck over on a consistent basis and fail to make the simple plays, which results in an increase in offensive pressure.

We’ll start by looking at the play of everyone’s favorite scapegoat, Rob Scuderi. Scuds, as he is known in the locker room, tends to give 100 percent effort on every shift, but that isn’t saying much for a guy who finished third in turnovers and fifth in ice time per game out of all Penguin defensemen.

He does play the five-on-three penalty kill very well in front of the net as he doesn’t have to take the body at all. But in pursuit of the puck along the boards, the first man in is supposed to pin the opponent against the boards while the second man takes the puck.

Scuderi doesn’t even attempt to hit the man. He stands three feet back and jabs at the puck like he’s fencing an unworthy opponent. Normally when he does this fencing-like tactic, the offender burns him and gets a quality scoring chance.

He also has no offensive game at all.

One situation early in the season saw Scuderi rush through the neutral zone with the puck on a three-on-two with Sidney Crosby on his right and Evgeni Malkin on his left. But instead of making any attempt to score, he dumped the puck in and returned to his blueline spot.

Another instance of this offensive ineptitude came in the playoffs. While on a two-on-one in the Ottawa Senators’ zone, he looked up at the defenseman, dumped the puck to the corner and again returned to his defensive position.

Next in line: Nasreddine. While I do like the play of this 32-year-old journeyman who has played for 12 professional teams since coming out of juniors in 1995, he is not the answer for a steady third pair defenseman on any NHL team.

He has no offensive game to speak of, and his skating ability really isn’t up to par with the opponent’s forwards, let alone other fifth and sixth defensemen in the league.

He does make solid decisions on the ice as evident by only 20 turnovers this season, which ranks last of the six top defensemen on the roster. But his overall quality of play isn’t suited for everyday play in the NHL.

He leads very well in the locker room and on the ice, but once again, the speed of the game is too fast for Nasreddine to contribute at a high level.

Now I know some of you may remember me defending the play of Melichar, but after seeing him falter in the playoffs faster than the Pirates out of spring training, I reserve the right to change my mind.

He was playing solid hockey for almost 65 games of the regular season, and then his out-of-control tailspin started. He began making untimely turnovers and was beginning to revert back into the defenseman that we all shuddered at when he was on the ice.

With Pittsburgh in the playoffs, he started playing worse. Not only were his turnovers causing an increase in the opponent’s offensive pressure, but they also were now leading to scoring chances and goals.

One strong example came during one of the last games of the Pens playoff series against Ottawa.

Pittsburgh had just forced Ottawa to turn the puck over behind the Penguins’ goal line, and Melichar started the team’s standard breakout, which included two outlets and solid support down the boards.

He failed to look up at his teammates – two of whom were open for the pass. Instead, he tried feathering a pass through one of the most potent forecheckers in the league in Mike Fisher.

Fisher, with his tenacious attitude, stole the soft pass and broke in on goaltender Marc-Andre Fleury.

Even though it didn’t result in a goal, Melichar’s mishap shouldn’t be overlooked. He failed to connect with an easy breakout pass, and it resulted in a scoring chance that could have easily gone for a tally against.

Would this three-headed creature scare you? One thing’s for sure: The Scudnasrechar doesn’t scare any NHL forwards.