Beliefs and BREAKUPS

Religion.

Princess Leia didn’t stop to ask Han Solo if they’d follow the Jedi religion or… Religion.

Princess Leia didn’t stop to ask Han Solo if they’d follow the Jedi religion or another one before professing her love as Han disappeared into the carbonite freezing chamber.

When the trilogy’s credits role, few people care if the couple’s happy celebration with the Ewoks will end with a wedding at a local temple or on a beach somewhere, perhaps with one of the little bears presiding.

There’s some truth to this in life as well.

For some couples, dealings in religion and faith are not the purpose of life, so it has no bearing in their relationships. For others, like junior Amanda Edris and senior R.J. Fisher, religion is the crux of their lives and therefore has to be the focus of their relationship.

“I don’t think our relationship would work without our Christianity,” Edris said. “We have this understanding that it’s not our job to make each other happy, that’s what God’s there for, and you can see how complete and how beautiful a relationship can be when God is at the center.

“I think that a lot of it is that if God is not in there, selfish desires weigh much more heavily within us,” she noted.

Fisher, her boyfriend of six months, agrees.

“To be able to share my faith so deeply with Amanda in our relationship is so important because everybody struggles with their faith,” Fisher said. “I’ve found someone who understands the things that I’m struggling with and understands what I’m trying to accomplish and understands my goals in life.

“It strengthens your faith as well as it strengthens your relationship, and I think it’s been incredible for me,” Fisher emphasized.

Others who have strong religious beliefs have tried to make it work as well, even if they were coming from different backgrounds.

Junior Hari Venkatachalam, who’s Hindu, has experienced this first hand.

“I dated a conservative Jewish girl in high school and into college,” he said. “And it became very complicated by the fact that her parents then expected that if the relationship was to continue, then I was to convert to Judaism.”

While the issue was first presented by her family, it soon became a predominant theme of conversation between the couple as well.

“I would say that religion plays a huge part of my life,” Venkatachalam said. “But when I create a life with someone, it can still be a huge part of my life without it being a huge part of our lives. It wasn’t the same for her.

“A lot of people want to marry someone who they can share their faith with, though,” Venkatachalam said. “Because in the grand scheme, they see it as a choice: your love of your diety or the love of your partner. I guess for that reason, recently, I’ve been looking more at Hindus or at least individuals who practice Indic faiths – Jainism, Zoroastrianism, Hinduism, Buddhism and Sikhism.”

Junior Rachel Jones, who comes from a Jewish family, says that she knows her family would never discriminate against anyone she dated as long as she was happy.

“My family feels that it’s easiest to be with someone of the same religion as far as, like, a lifelong partner,” Jones said. “You both celebrate the same things and you both share the same values.

“As far as having a family it might be a little bit easier for your kids,” she added. “But I feel like I’m young enough where I don’t really need to have it be a defining factor.”

Future family life can be a big concern of inter-religion dating, but Venkatachalam feels it shouldn’t be the only issue.

“In terms of children in this modern world, children grow to be adults who make their own religious choices,” Venkatachalam said. “One can, at best, show one’s faith to one’s child and allow them to choose or incorporate different aspects of the faiths to fit their own beliefs.”

So what’s the best way? Do Jamie and Landon end up happier than Han and Leia? Does it matter only in marriage, or should people begin considering this at the college age?

A professor in the religious studies department, Paula Kane, who teaches a religion in modern America class, said that she sees a lot more tolerance than conflict, and that’s the key.

“Students may tell me they’re learning more about their boyfriends’ and girlfriends’ religions through class, so it seems that a lot of college students are overcoming any prejudices they may have coming in,” she said.

“I’ve never had students say they fought or broke up over religious differences. If they’re getting closer to becoming engaged or married, their parents will often become concerned that their child not marry x or y. However, it’s been my experience that students have great tolerance and curiosity about religions other than their own.

“There are obviously a lot of inter-religious marriages out there,” Kane continued. “If you think about it, you don’t really pick who you’re going to love. You wish you could act on that and not have institutions tell you what to do.”

However, some students like Fisher assert that the best way is sharing that faith.

“I think by keeping that the central theme that you’re appreciating the person deeper than you normally would because you understand that it’s multiple levels,” Fisher said.

“It’s not just all the lovey-dovey, boyfriend-girlfriend stuff, which, don’t get me wrong, is a wonderful thing in and of itself, but you also have this deep level of faith. You’re going to get frustrated with each other, you’re going to have struggles, and everyone has bad days. But you can understand what each other is going through, and it’s something that holds you together through those times.

“It’s just an amazing feeling,” he said.